the best things to do in Key West December 6, 2007

I may have mentioned before that I am sooooooper excited about our annual New Years trip to Key West. I’ve been going down there for holidays to visit my grandparents or parents since I was a kid. To get in the holiday spirit, I decided to make the definitive list of things you (if you want to be my friend) must do in Key West when you visit. Of course we don’t do all (or sometimes any) of these each time we visit, mostly just when we have newbies to show around or if it’s been a while.

1. First things first. Once you drop your stuff and get settled in, you’ve got to do the Conch Train tour. It’s the best way to really get a feel for Key West and understand the culture (if such a thing were possible). It also helps you see a little of everything so you can decide how to spend the rest of your trip (besides what I’ve told you to do).

Train is a huge fan of the “World-Infamous” Conch Train, ever since I made him spend $40 in beer money so we could ride during one of our college spring breaks

2. The next thing you’ve got to do is watch sunset at Mallory Dock. Every night, 365 days a year, street performers and vendors set up here to entertain you and get your money. Get a Key Lime colada to enjoy. Watch sunset and possibly some cruise ships arriving or leaving.

Dr. P gave this little girl a dollar to give to the “statue”, December 2006

3. Get up and have breakfast at Blue Heaven. This isn’t my favorite place to eat, but it’s a Key West institution, and you can eat your omelette and watch wild chickens run around your table. My parents love it, and my mom insists on eating there on her birthday.

4. Go rent some bikes. It’s the best way to get around the island because it’s not too difficult to find somewhere to park, and you can burn off some of those alcohol calories. Just please be careful on the road (I’m not a big fan of mopeds, since they are hard to operate if you’re not used to them and can be very dangerous in traffic). Another great option (especially if you have a group of 4) is an electric car.

Sherman on my dad’s bike, 8 months old

5. Tour Ernest Hemingway’s house, where you can see the island’s first swimming pool. To Have and Have Not is based on Key West during the Depression. Most days there is a wedding taking place in the yard.

6. In honor of Papa, have lunch and a cocktail at his friend’s bar, Sloppy Joes.

7. Go back and rest for a while, then spend the evening on the beach at Fort Taylor. Key West has no natural beaches; they’re all man-made because the island is surrounded by reef on three sides and there are no waves. The sand is brought in from the Bahamas. The Gulf side is usually very grassy, while the Atlantic side beaches are very rocky. Often some or all of the beaches are closed due to elevated bacteria. Yuck.

My point is, Key West is not the place to go if you’re looking for a beach vacation. But my family (not big beach fans) likes Fort Taylor the best, especially later in the day. There are nice, shaded picnic areas with grills; a snack bar; good snorkeling; and the park is on a point of the island right next to the dredged channel where the cruise ships come in…they pass so closely it seems like you could reach out and touch them.

Dad, Train, and Ditto at Fort Taylor, June 2007

(The other great beach is about an hour’s drive up the Keys, at Bahia Honda State Park.)

8. Eat a Cuban sandwich. If you want some more Cuban food, have dinner at El Siboney (which isn’t open year-round). This restaurant is within walking distance of my parents’, which is a good thing because (a) there’s almost no parking and (b) they have really good sangria.

9. Take a jet ski tour around (literally) the island. Train and I did this once, with my parents, in July, and we did the sunset tour. It was a lot of fun and a great way to break the heat (there are several stops along the route for “play time”, so Train would dump me in the ocean and goof off with the jet ski for a while). You also get to see the submarine flats that were built but never used during WWII.

July 2004

10. Have dinner at Raw Bar…this isn’t necessarily a Key West “must-do” but it is for me, because I love the atmosphere and the food here. And no…I don’t eat anything raw!

11. Take a half-day catamaran snorkeling trip out to Sand Key Light. You get to see a ton of sea life and usually you get a free drink (or six). Just don’t go on a windy day when the sand is all stirred up and the water isn’t as clear. Wear your sunscreen!

12. Time to shop!! I love wandering around Mallory Square looking at all the tourist tchockes. Mom and I usually have the most luck at the Conch Train Station Gift Shop. And I always have to stop at Key West Aloe for Key Lime lotion and Fresh Banana hair conditioner. My grandmother only used their products and they make great souvenirs.

13. Get some true Key West entertainment at the Crystal Room at La Te Da, where the beautiful drag queens put on their own productions of The Sound of Music and Chicago. Try to get tickets in advance. Showtime is 9pm, and luckily there’s a two drink minimum!

Dr. P and I after a La Te Da show, December 2006

14. Spend an afternoon at Schooner’s Wharf Bar listening to Michael McCloud. This is my mom’s favorite bar (when she retired from her job in North Carolina, her going-away gift was a gift certificate so Schooner’s).

Train, when we left him under the care of the Schooner’s waitress one afternoon…a few hours later, we found him outside the VFW two blocks away

15. After dinner, it’s time for a banana split at Mathieson’s 4th of July - we always say it’s big enough for 6 people (see proof below) but unfortunately this summer Ditto and I finished one all by ourselves…

With my mom, uncle, aunt, and cousin (Dad took the picture), December 2005 while I was pregnant with Sherman

16. Go visit the Little White House, where Harry Truman spent his Presidential vacations. My grandfather was a civilian electrician whose office was located directly behind the house, and he used to have coffee with President Truman. He installed the aperture light above Truman’s poker table. When the house was shut down (prior to the opening of the museum), everyone began grabbing souvenirs. My grandfather was one of the last, so he ended up with only a showerhead. But it was the best damn showerhead I’ve ever seen, and my grandparents used it for years.

The Little White House is located in Truman Annex, which used to be part of the Navy base and is where the officers’ family homes were. Now they are privately owned and they are the prettiest houses on the island. We love riding our bikes through there.

17. Finally, have a drink at the Casa Marina, the hotel built by Henry Flagler so that the passengers on his Overseas Railroad had somewhere grand to stay. My grandparents always went to fancy dinner dances at this hotel and it is so glamorous.

Sherman and I at the Casa Marina, December 2006

So there you go. That’s what I would make you do if you went to Key West with me.

As far as getting there, Train and I used to fly all the way into Key West International (one gate in, and one gate out, and only recently was it air-conditioned), but it’s sometimes hard to get tickets and it’s expensive (also requires a plane change somewhere in South Florida or Atlanta). My parents’ method of choice is to fly to/from Fort Lauderdale airport (which is only a little ways north of Miami but outside of the traffic). It’s smaller than MIA and easier to get in and out of. The other option is to take a fast ferry from Tampa or Miami, which is quicker than driving.

See you there!