sigh. January 31, 2008

Thanks everyone for emailing about John Edwards’ drop from the presidential election. Unfortunately the first person to notify me was my Republican friend at work who gets Fox News updates by email. Fox News. The injustice.

I’m disgusted that now he’s being praised for raising the issue of poverty in America, elevating the discussion during the primary process, being the “grown up” candidate. Now. Now when he’s not in the running. Not when it actually counted, when he couldn’t even get a mention because it was a “two-way race” for the Democratic nomination, because the powers that be were threatened by his “populist” message.

I think what bothers me the most is that he said he was “in it until the Convention”. Now, I am realistic, and I knew that if things didn’t start to improve on the primary front, staying in the race until August would be a foolish move and a massive waste of money. But to drop out even before Super Tuesday…it just doesn’t seem right. It feels like there is another piece of the puzzle. Maybe, maybe not, we’ll probably never know. The obvious question is if Elizabeth’s health had taken a turn for the worse, and when faced with that, pursuing the nomination seemed futile. I think we all hope that that is not the case and that Elizabeth is doing well.

A thought of consolation is that he might be, once again, the nominee’s running mate. I guess I always thought “been there, done that” and it didn’t turn out well so I didn’t think Edwards would do something like that. But maybe he will, and maybe that is the reason for the early out. He is, after all, still very young. And Janet comforted me with the thought of John Edwards, Attorney General.

But it is still in protest that I’m removing the John Edwards 2008 badge from my site. I feel like I’ve been abandoned because I haven’t had to make the choice between Clinton and Obama (and technically, I don’t have to make it because I’ve already voted for Edwards via absentee ballot) because my candidate was obviously the better choice. (CityMama says it much better than I do.)

John McCain is not the devil incarnate as some potential Republican nominees are, and again I hope I don’t regret saying it, but if he happens to win the election it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. Edwards’ campaign warned over and over that he was the only Democratic candidate who could beat McCain, according to the polls.

However, for the sake of my own relevance, I will definitely be supporting Hillary, not only because she is a woman (and we all know that women can do anything better than men) but because I respect her and her experience and her toughness and no, Bill Clinton back in the White House wouldn’t be the worst thing ever either. I saw Obama speak last February at the DNC Winter Meeting and he did not inspire me. I continue to find him flat and aloof, but if he were to be nominated I would vote for him.

But thanks for trying again, John…

random monday (with 20% more parentheses) January 28, 2008

NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK REUNION? EEEEE!!

Seriously, I’m not sure if they are talking about a tour, or a single concert, or what, but wow, what a throwback. I remember my first concert ever, NKOTB, with my mom, her friend, and her friend’s two daughters. I was in third grade. I had to leave school early that day to get fitted for my retainer. But I had also just gotten my hair permed so that I would look good for Jonathan. It was at the Dean Dome. I got the tickets for Valentines Day. That would have been 1990. Every girl in my grade went to that concert and went home and slept on her NKOTB sheets. It’s hard to believe that was almost 20 years ago. Whoa. “Didn’t I blow your mind this time, didn’t I?”
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The 5 Most Wasteful Baby Products

Wow, I’m not sure who this woman is but…we have 4 out of 5 of these products. I don’t pretend to be “green” but I can tell you that we could not (and still cannot) live without the video monitor, END OF STORY. The sleep positioner was to try to mitigate the effects of plagiocephaly (”flat head”), and was doctor-recommended. Although we don’t have the Diaper Genie, we have (and love) the Diaper Champ (which does not use special bags). And the wipes warmer…yeah, I have no explanation for that. We don’t have the “motion sensor” (in fact I hadn’t heard of it), but the one thing I have repeatedly wished for is a poop/smell sensor…it’s hard to tell over the beloved video monitor if Sherman is having a hard time settling down because he’s got a nasty diaper.
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Train took Sherman to the pediatrician Friday for a phantom ear infection (i.e. he was digging in his ear Thursday but there was no fluid). She told Train we needed to take away the pacifier. Apparently Sherman is holding it on the left side of his mouth which is why his front top and bottom teeth don’t touch. Yuck. I had actually noticed that the teeth weren’t even but I figured they just weren’t done coming in yet. Except that the last of them came in about 8 months ago. So, whatever.

Weaning from the pacifier has really been the one thing NOT on my radar. I was focused on the impending room change and the transition from crib to bed. We say all the time that taking it away would probably allow him to talk more, and maybe reduce his drooling. And he really doesn’t need/want it until he sees it. But sometimes it is the quickest and easiest way to calm him down, so we don’t go anywhere without one.

So all weekend he did not have a binky during the day and of course he did fine. Nap time and night time are going to be a little tougher but (knock on wood) I think we’ll be fine. Typically, Sherman goes into the crib with a binky in his mouth, and then I give him one to hold once he is tucked in. On Saturday I was just going to give him one to hold, but he had a massive fit when I turned off Elmo for bedtime and it was the only way to calm him down. He did fine with just one binky. On Sunday I hid a binky in the corner of the crib during his nap and I’m not totally sure (it was hard to tell on the video monitor) but I don’t think he saw it until he woke/sat up (he had it in his mouth when I got him out of the crib). Last night I “hid” it again. Tonight I will either hide it or not put one in at all. And actually, it’s liberating. One less thing to worry about checking off a list of milestones. I am really proud of Sherman.
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This weekend my best girlfriends from college came to visit. It was so nice to have everyone together, most of them haven’t seen Sherman since last summer or longer. He had so much fun with all of them, and we got to go out for a girls-only lunch and to see 27 Dresses, which was amazing. As someone who sees a movie in the theater about twice a year, I am so glad we went to see it. It was hilarious, and who doesn’t like Katherine Heigl? It was truly laugh-out-loud hysterical and even more so because of who I was with. And some great previews…Fool’s Gold and Made of Honor! Lots of yummy guys on Saturday.
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My seriously-in-need-of-a-nail-trim toddler gave me a little scratch on the bridge of my nose at some point this weekend. I remember something stinging, but I usually have no battle scars from the daily abuse of motherhood, so I didn’t think about it until after my shower this morning when it was bleeding. It’s really not that big, but pretty much right in between my eyes. So now my nose is bleeding from the inside and outside.
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I finally saw Gone With the Wind this weekend thanks to Netflix (I just recently finished the book - my mom’s all-time favorite - after New Years). It was great, but I have to say those of you who haven’t read the book are totally cheating. I can’t get over how much they left out…most of all Scarlett’s first two children. Of course they couldn’t film the entire book, that would take days to watch, but I feel about this movie like I do the Harry Potter movies and books…you really can’t appreciate one without the other. The movie to give you faces and scenes to help enhance the book, and the book to give you the true background and inner thoughts of the characters in the movie.

but this is not my first rodeo January 24, 2008

Well as of tomorrow I’ll be 13 weeks pregnant, so officially out of the dreaded first trimester. I can’t get over how different this pregnancy has already been from my first. On top of the whole subchorionic hematoma drama, I think my hormones are much higher this time, resulting in all of these weird symptoms that for the most part, I didn’t notice until the end of my (41.5 week) pregnancy with Sherman.

The fatness. I can’t remember when I went into maternity clothes with Sherman, but it seemed early (as in, too early). By the end of my pregnancy maternity leave, I was so sick of those pants that never stayed up no matter how big or small you were. No sense in prolonging that misery. So I have been stuffing myself into my regular clothes, although I have pulled out my one-size-up biznass pants (I’m thinking it was a good move to save most of the clothes from my various post-Sherman sizes, which range from 8 to 14, but are probably all in the wrong season). I’m still having to unbutton those after lunch and hope there isn’t a fire drill where I have to stand up quickly. I could increase another size but then you just start looking stupid and baggy-butted. I plan to dig into my maternity Rubbermaid containers tonight and see what I can find…I seem to recall some first-trimester Old Navy jeans with an elastic waist. Of course, all those many moons ago, boot cut was in style.

The shortness of breath. I expected that at the end, with a seven pound baby squirming into my lungs. And I have always had what my doctor calls “mild asthma” which basically means, for me, the lung capacity of a 50-year-old. So I can never get a really good deep breath anyway, but lately I can’t walk across the room and talk at the same time. Sigh. (Literally.)

The food obsession. With Sherman, I had no cravings (well, except a Wallaby Darned). I remember telling my girlfriends that pregnancy cravings were a myth, it was just that you felt so nauseous there was probably, at any given moment, only one thing in the entire culinary world that you could even imagine putting in your mouth without puking, so THAT was what you wanted (I remember one weekend when all I ate was lettuce sandwiches). This go ’round, I am eating like I did in my 9th month of Sherman hosting. After all of my ultrasounds we have had to stop at McDonald’s for an afternoon snack. And the other night, I had a fruit craving so strong I sent Train out to Cold Stone for a Strawberry Bananza smoothie. Doesn’t that sound heavenly? My mouth was watering just thinking about it. Of COURSE, they were out of “smoothie mix” (WTF? isn’t it just ice cream and fruit??). I was able to throw some diced apple, sliced banana, canned peaches, and maraschino cherries together for an impromptu fruit salad and I was satisfied (Sherman was already asleep or I would have broken out the blender) . But trust me, not all of my cravings have been so healthy. I gained 4 pounds the first trimester, which isn’t bad (is it? IS IT?!), but I think I lost weight during my last first trimester. Eek. Anytime I have felt nauseous, I’ve been able to eat through it like a champ. Plus, with Sherman around I don’t feel like I have time to lie on the couch and so obviously my nausea hasn’t been that bad.

The nasty-tasting mouth. Maybe this is related to wanting to eat all of the time. I have the “increased saliva production” which comes from hormones but also from not wanting to swallow the gross-tasting spit in my mouth.

The bathroom. Even at the end of my first pregnancy, my bathroom trips to pee were pretty much under control. And there is nothing I hate more than having to get out of bed in the middle of the night to pee. So any interruption in that area is considered a huge inconvenience. I have noticed this slowing down a little, but I’m sure the 9pm fruit smoothies don’t help. As for the rest of my…digestion…I’m struggling. I constantly feel full and gross.

The dog. Our big dog, the Heeler, is constantly underfoot (my foot) and has started spending at least part of every night in our bed. I think he senses my condition. It’s sweet, of course, but…it kind of freaks me out. Last time both dogs were totally oblivious…the Chihuahua would prance on my stomach when I laid on the couch.

The dryness. Obviously I’m not surprised about the nose situation (which included a nosebleed at work yesterday due to the dramatic drop in air pressure from BENDING DOWN TO GET MY LUNCH OUT OF THE REFRIGERATOR), but my eyes are really, really dry. During my last pregnancy I was still wearing contacts and glasses and I don’t remember this “side effect”.

The girls. I am flat-chested on a good day and so even minor…improvements…are majorly noticed around my house.

The smells. The other day on the way home from work after a couple of random snow/sleet storms, I could smell the road spray from the car in front of us mixed with the windshield washer fluid…OMG…disgusting. I had to hold my nose the whole trip. I feel like a bloodhound.

The job. Last time I shared the good news with my coworkers after hearing the heartbeat at our 12 week OB appointment. This time I am hesitant. The number one reason is because if I can spare myself a week or two of “When my daughter was pregnant” or “When my son was born” I will be doing myself a huge favor. Everyone in my office means well and that’s usually the problem. I’m also interested in a couple of position openings and while I don’t want to tip my hand, I also don’t want to leave anyone in the lurch. I go back and forth about when to announce it every day. The fact is that if everyone knew, it would be easier to explain why I sat at my desk for an hour with a tissue up my nose, and I could just give up and wear some maternity pants already. And I really, really don’t want anyone to guess or suspect before I am ready to tell.

But overall, I’m feeling good. Each day that passes without some major crisis is a victory, and I would much rather be choosing from a stack of take-out menus than lying on the bathroom floor. It is reassuring to have these symptoms and to hope that things are going well on the other side of my belly button.

when i used to want a big brother, this wasn’t what i had in mind January 23, 2008

I found a scary thing this morning on the internet…pointed there by Newsweek of course…Spokeo. More like Spooky. Using someone’s email address, you can basically track and keep updated on any of their online content: Flickr, Amazon wishlists, Vox, Myspace, Pandora, etc. I know you are only as vulnerable as what you post on the web, but this sort of search makes me nervous. Take a second to go over and see what it finds about you!

overheard in my office January 22, 2008

I was trying to ignore it, but then I read this post (shared by Lizzy) (thank you Google Reader) and I want to beat my head against the wall.

Him: “Did you see Clinton and Obama going at it?” (I’m assuming he’s talking about Bill)
Her: “No, I heard something but I didn’t really see it.”
Him: “They are really going after each other. And you know the Mormon one?”
Her: “Edwards? Or Huckabee?”
Him: “No, the Republican.”
Her: “Oh, well…Obama’s my man!”

There are just…so many things wrong with this conversation. Really and truly, it makes me want to cry. I know I’m “into” politics, but if you ever even look at CNN.com or have the evening news on during dinner, YOU SHOULD KNOW BY NOW THAT MITT ROMNEY IS THE ONLY MORMON RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT. For God’s sake, Mike Huckabee is a Baptist minister!! As if that is not distinct enough!

More than anything, it shows that no matter what efforts the candidates use to introduce themselves and share their beliefs and policy plans, the majority of voters are going to vote on name recognition (I’m not just talking about Obama, either). It’s one thing to do that on a county sherriff’s ballot…quite another to do it at the end of the longest presidential campaign in history. It is extraordinarily frustrating.

Updated: HA! I was quite obviously watching Deep Impact last night instead of the SC debates, so my co-worker must have been talking about Hillary and Obama. Thanks, Carrie!

If you should ever leave me, life will still go on, believe me January 18, 2008

Is it totally idiotic that Big Love has changed the way I feel about (consensual, legal-age) polygamy? Well, “changed” is a poor choice because I never really had strong opinions about it. But now I feel about it the same way I feel about gay marriage…it’s not for me (unless Bill Paxton was involved of course) but it’s not affecting me either, so what do I care what these people do? (Just to reiterate…the underage/forced marriage thing is totally not okay with me, whether you have one wife or ten.) We have been watching Season 2 on Netflix (we’re on Disc 2) and it is so compelling. But you can’t believe everything you see on TV, right?

Last season I couldn’t stand Nikki (Chloe Sevigny) but I am really starting to see her torn loyalties affecting her. I love her name (Nicolette Grant…so elegant!) and how her kids call her “Mother”. Margene (Gennifer Goodwin) is so earnest but she can usually get away with her screwups. As for Barb (Jeanne Tripplehorn), it’s like I can’t stand her wardrobe (short, short-sleeved button down crepe shirts) but it’s so perfect for her. I’m surprised that she started this season as the more selfish sister-wife, but things seem to be balancing out as they work through all of their drama. Bill’s mom (Grace Zabriskie) and “Cousin Rhonda” (Daveigh Chase) are both absolutely perfect in casting. They are lunatics. Mary Kay Place is so good as Nikki’s mom, the first wife of the Prophet. Creepy Albie looks like Joseph Smith to me. And of course…there is something about watching Bill Paxton juggle three wives (and maybe more???) that is really, really hot. His and Barb’s kids all look kind of weird to me, but they fit in with the group. My only complaint is that it’s so long between seasons and, subsequently, DVDs (although we have HBO now, we didn’t during Season 1 and 2) and it’s hard to keep up with all of the plot lines.

and if worse comes to worst, there’s always Supernanny January 16, 2008

Have you ever heard someone defend or explain their child’s tantrums or other behavior by saying that they are grateful that their child has a personality instead of being ho-hum and bland? Well, I have actually gotten to that point with Sherman, but I’m okay with it.

We are assuming that Sherman (at 21 months) is getting into the “terrible twos“. To be honest, I have suspected the beginning of the TTs several times, but it took our daycare provider (Alice) saying something for me to acknowledge that this is probably the real thing.

What am I talking about? The ear-splitting screams, the alligator tears, the red scrunched up face, the clenched teeth, the balled fists, the flailing on the ground. Sometimes because Sherman didn’t get his way and sometimes because Mommy sat on the left hand couch cushion instead of the right hand cushion, or because she flipped open the straw on the sippy cup before handing it to Sherman instead of after. 

Which leads me to the thing I dreaded MOST about parenthood: how to respond? No one wants to listen to a pissed-off toddler, so if spending a few more minutes banging on the computer will make him happy, I have no problem obliging. If I can get 5 more minutes to finish bill paying on the computer by letting him pull all of Train’s books off the bookshelf for the tenth time that day…yank away, baby. I obviously also don’t want to teach Sherman that the way to get what he wants is by COMPLETELY LOSING HIS SHIT for no reason, or by ignoring me when I say “no”. I can usually distract and redirect him into something that makes him forget what he was so mad about. But then there are times like last night, when we really had to get out of the the bathtub, and the tears and whining were so frenetic and sad, when you feel really bad. Like Sherman was devastated at leaving the bathroom, afraid he’d never get to go in again. And then as soon as he got a cup of milk and Elmo, he was all smiles and laughing again, and you realize he is simply testing his limits, and you pretty much feel like a sucker.

I’m assuming a lot of this is from his frustration at communication. He doesn’t have a lot of words, and he knows some sign language, but he can understand everything we say and he can’t reciprocate. I know it’s got to be frustrating, because it’s frustrating for me to watch him get frustrated when all he really needs to do is calm…down…and tell Mommy…what’s…wrong.

But then there are evenings after work when Sherman sits nicely at the dinner table, and signs politely for more banana, and helps me clean up the bath toys, and jumps up and down in delight signing “please” at the prospect of Sesame Street on Tivo, and gives me a huge hug at bedtime before he goes into his crib. And I try to freeze-frame those moments, file them for reference, and bring them out in the middle of the worst tantrums before I lose my cool too. Those tantrums when you think…how is this child ever going to deal with society, if he screams and kicks over diaper changes? And is it my fault that he acts like this?

But in moments of sanity, when Train and I can look at each other over a tantrum and laugh at his dramatics, I am thankful that Sherman is passionate about things, even if he is a little too passionate. Because we are not people who like to be told what to do, and when, so why should Sherman? And like Mom always said, “this too shall pass” and I can only hope it passes before we cause irreparable harm to his worldview.

art snob January 14, 2008

I have a hard time decorating the walls of our house. I prefer photos, but I get frustrated at how quickly they become outdated when you have a toddler running around. I feel a constant need to update them and I simply don’t have time for that. We do have a big photo collage in our living room of about 13 personal photos of varying sizes, with the center one being a 16×20 of our 2006 Christmas card picture. Every time I see it I am reminded that I need to get a new photo but by the time I get upstairs to the computer I am distracted by the laundry that needs to be put away or the little boy whose new favorite game is “slam-the-door-to-my-bedroom-and-scream-in-delight-until-Mommy-opens-it-since-I-can’t-open-it-myself-repeat”. The other art in the living room is two similar-looking square abstract painted canvases that I bought at Ross because the colors go nicely with our red furniture and brown/tan/red Target rug.

In our bedroom, I have a large wedding photo and an atomic clock on the wall. In our “office”, diplomas (Train and I graduated from the same college, so our degrees, tassels, honor medals, and almost-identical handshake photos are framed disgustingly alike). In the dining room, four mirrors in a row.

My problem with buying generic art like what’s in the living room is that it has no meaning. It really was just to try to fill up that big empty wall. I feel like a fraud when I buy stuff like that. I would prefer to buy a painting of something I love. Or something painted by someone I love. Of course, it needs to match the room it’s intended for. And it can’t be super-expensive.

In my Key West re-cap post, I mentioned that we spent a few afternoons at an art show near my parents’ house (at least, I think I…did, yep, there it is). We ended up with three prints plus some small photo-size prints. I say “prints” because we definitely did not buy any original paintings…we stayed in the “under $60″ range.

This first one is my favorite, and I think Train’s too:

This is a watercolor print of the Bahia Honda bridge on the way to Key West. It’s an old railroad truss from the Overseas Railroad. There is a state park on Bahia Honda that is one of my favorite beaches in the world. I just love this beach and I love this bridge and I could stare at this painting all day. Here it is hung in our bedroom, where I think it goes nicely. Artist Rocky Ferris. We paid $40 for this plus $20 (!!!) for shipping. I have no explanation other than I HAD to have it.

The next one is a photo on canvas:

This one is over the toilet in my newly painted purple bathroom. I have always had a semi-theme of seashells and the purple in this one stood out. However, I think it needs a frame. What do you think? My mom bought me this one as a Christmas present, I think it was about $40.

The third print has no explanation:

Something about the colors in this one just hooked me and I kept going back to it. It goes NOWHERE in my blue/green/purple upstairs or my red/brown/black downstairs. I’m not sure what I’m going to do with it, since we don’t even have a lot of hall space where I could put it. But I WILL find somewhere. I hemmed and hawed about it since it doesn’t go with anything, but my HGTV-obsessed mother berated me that “people worry too much about what matches instead of what they like.” Says the woman who can get away with decorating her whole house in fish and palm trees. But she’s right. I loved this print so it should be in my house to make me happy. This one was $20.

With the purple matting, I originally thought about putting this in the purple bathroom, but it didn’t seem mellow enough for that room. The artist had the original print matted differently, which I thought really brought out the colors of the painting. Here is some amateur photoshopping to show you how I want it matted:

Otherwise, we bought some small 4×6 prints of Key West landmarks…Schooner Wharf, Blue Heaven, and the sunset celebration. Not sure yet what we’ll do with those. Train is thinking we should do a “Key West wall” in the man room, so we may collect more things.

first word January 12, 2008

We are considering “bubble” to be Sherman’s first word…it’s the one thing he will say on his own, when he sees it, without prompting (except in this video of course). Everything round is a bubble.

and if they had a blog…that’d be awesome January 11, 2008

You know how when you first set up a Facebook or Myspace profile, and you go through your school alumni lists on the site, and use their tools to cross-reference your email contacts, and click through your friends’ profiles to add acquaintences to your “friend” list? And then as the weeks and months pass, more people set up their profiles and find you with one of those methods and add you to their “friend” list? (Notwithstanding the fact that you probably never exchange an actual personal message.)

Well, do you ever wonder why some people never find you?

I mean, now that “Google” is a verb, I admit that when some long-lost classmate or neighbor’s name pops into my head, at some point in the near future I’m going to attempt to locate them. If you can find an email address, sometimes it’s fun to send them a note and spend a few days catching up (and, of course, never again corresponding). You probably think that’s weird. Well, people are ALWAYS happy to hear from me.

Most people you can’t really find that easily, and that’s about all of the effort I’m usually willing to expend. Without a picture to go with the Google results, it’s sometimes too creepy to assume that this particular medical research analyst is the first grade classmate whose mom gave him a Gloria Estefan tape at his birthday party at the skating rink (oh, Bryan! our mothers were certain we would end up together!).

Unfortunately, a lot of my old aquaintances have really generic names that are impossible to discern over the internet. More than a few Smiths, Williams, Howards, and Bakers. My high school boyfriend shares his full name with both a character on an NBC sitcom and a professional baseball player. And even some of the weird names have simply disappeared off the face of the internet.

While my maiden name is not unique, it’s pretty distinct and a long-lost friend could contact me without a lot of effort (and I’m not even talking about the dummy-proof Facebook search) (and it’s not like my Myspace name is Wonderdust Pancake or something, with a picture of my dog instead of my face). My married name is atrocious, and without a doubt unique, and anyone that knows it could find me in half a second, as well as my husband and all of my in-laws in about two pages of Google results. For better or for worse.

So my point is…if I can’t find you…why aren’t you finding me? Does no one ever remember me and wonder what I’ve done with my life? Does it take a Facebook list of alumni before you think, “oh yeah HER! wow, I forgot she even existed!”

I’m so curious to see what these people from my past, who were once a part of my daily life, are doing now. You know…the guy with eyelash gunk who was in my Rube Goldberg group. The kids I rode the bus with elementary through high school. The first boy I kissed. The middle school girlfriends I spent hours with at the mall during breaks. The brother and sister from the UK who were seated with my family at dinner during a Caribbean cruise. My frog-dissection lab partner who held my friend’s hair while she threw up at an end-of-exams party at an abandoned trailer in the woods. The girl who tried to dose her parents with sleeping pills so she could go to a 311 concert. The quiet guy in my Calculus class whose last name changed inexplicably during our junior year. The crazy couple that left college after our freshman year. All of these people made some sort of an impresssion on me. If one of them were to describe me, what would they say? And where the hell are they??