all I want to do is give the best of me to you February 15, 2008

There’s no former bride (or formerly pregnant woman) who can resist giving advice and telling their own stories when given the slightest provocation. Planning my wedding took place during the busiest, most exciting 15 months of my life - my last semester of college, graduation, starting a new job, moving to Washington, living on my own. When I got the email about the Virtual Engagement Party for Jen, it was hard to decide what to write about. Every time a friend gets engaged you are taken back to your own special day and everything that happened afterwards to bring you to where you are now.

I met Jen and Joel at our September “DC Blogher” and had a great time. I really enjoy her blog (especially the parts about sneaking into the gym without a membership, and her scroogeyness) and Gmail chatting with her when we are supposed to be working. I can’t believe how thrilled I was when I read that they had gotten engaged in Barcelona. Since I read her blog, I’m an expert on their relationship, and I’m certain they will be very happy together (as they already are).

I decided I wanted to tell my own engagement story, and thank god for my engagement scrapbook because there were a lot more details in there than my brain could remember (which was ”Night time. Question. Ring. WEDDING PLANNING!!!!!!!!”). But I did learn a few things from my wedding that I have to pass along in the spirit of sisterhood. I guess I’ll save them for another post, because as I was going through the scrapbook, I found a ton of blog material that probably isn’t interesting to anyone but myself, but…score!!

So, here is the story of my big day.

On Saturday, March 30, 2002, Train and I were at his parents’ house for the Easter weekend. It was the beginning of Train’s spring break from student teaching. On Good Friday we had dropped Triathlete off near Richmond and picked up his uncle’s old motorcycle for Train. On Saturday morning we made an unexpected trip to pick up Triathlete and his dog. That afternoon, we decided to take Triathlete’s dog and Train’s dog (Heeler) up to Skyline Drive.

In college, Train and I would visit the park at least once each time we visited his family for the weekend. The first time I went was the morning after we arrived in his hometown for my first visit in the fall of 1999, and for some reason we decided to watch sunrise from up on the mountain, and it was gorgeous. It was just something we continued to do to take a small break from his family and the chaos of his parents’ house (overwhelming, back then, for an only child like me). So when we took the dogs up that day, Train bought an annual pass and I thought nothing of it. Only two visits a year made the pass worth its cost, and we would often visit after dark and it was easier to have a pass instead of dealing with the honor-system pay machines.

When we got back to his parents’ house, we got ready to go out to eat with Train’s family, including his parents, his younger sister Nanny, his older sister Ditto, and her then-boyfriend Roadrunner. They had been dating about six months. We were celebrating Train’s father’s birthday. I remember Ditto and I joking about how, if Train and I were to get married, our names would be the same. (No seriously, the exact same. And they still are. Tonight when I get my haircut, they will - like they do every time - say, “oh, we have you in our system twice!” and I’ll say, “Nope, that’s my sister-in-law” and they’ll say, “oh, well let’s put your middle initial in” and I’ll say “well, we have the same middle initial” and ha ha we will all have a good laugh. Lather, rinse, repeat.)

We went back to his parents’ house, and I put my pajamas on because I wasn’t feeling too great. We all started to dye Easter eggs to hide for Train’s cousin. Each of us got three eggs, and I kept dropping mine until they were all cracked. It pissed me off and I went into the living room to watch tv. Blah. Train came in and asked me if I wanted to go to the park. I almost said no, because I just wanted to chill out, but I recognized that he was making an effort to spend time alone with me so I said I would go.

Normally we would have taken Train’s truck, but the motorcycle was still in the back so we took my Nissan. We drove to our favorite overlook where you could see the lights of the whole town. We sat on the edge of the steep hill in the grass (usually we’d sit on the tailgate). I sat picking out the high school, the church, the steeple of the military academy, and other landmarks like I always did.

All week I had teased Train how he would probably forget to get me an Easter card (ah, constant need for affirmation, how I don’t miss thee), so after we sat for a few minutes in silence and he asked me if I wanted my Easter card, I was pleasantly surprised! He handed me a piece of paper and said “I wrote it out.” I looked down and the sheet had the lyrics to a country song (I have to keep some things sacred, right?). I thought it was sweet, a typical thoughtful thing Train would do. Then he handed me another piece of paper and I was a little confused. When I read “What happened two years ago today?” I was even more confused. I began to think, and at the exact second I realized that on March 30, 2000 Train had given me a promise ring, he handed me a third sheet: “Erika Middle Maidename, will you marry me?”

I very, VERY slowly began to comprehend what was happening and turned to look at him while avoiding rolling down the hill. He was holding a little white box that contained the most beautiful ring I had ever seen. I started to cry because I couldn’t believe that the gorgeous thing he was holding might belong to me!! I couldn’t really talk, so he finally said, “Do you want to see if it fits?” and I nodded my head and he put it on my left hand. It fit perfectly. I eventually got my composure back and I hugged him and said “Yes!” to answer his first question.

We sat there for a while longer and talked about the day and how we were going to tell our parents, and who else knew about the ring and his plans. The longer we sat there, the more I realized just what was ahead of us, beyond the engagement and wedding plans; that we had just decided to spend the rest of our lives together, and I couldn’t have been happier. Starting then and for the next week, I hardly ate or slept because I was either too excited or too nervous.

that night

The next morning, we went to the early Easter service at Train’s church (where his parents were married, where we would get married, and where Ditto and Roadrunner would marry about a year after us). When we got home, I called my parents and we gave them the news. A few weeks before, my mom had booked a flight for me to come to visit them while they spent a few weeks in Key West that June. Inexplicably, my mom’s immediate reaction was, “YOU’RE STILL COMING TO KEY WEST!” (Years later she would be equally flaky when we told her she was going to be a grandmother for the first AND second time.) They were very excited and happy for us, and went out to dinner to celebrate and toast our engagement.

Triathlete and I left Monday to go back to school since Train was on spring break. I hadn’t signed on to Instant Messenger all weekend because I knew I would be able to resist telling my sorority sisters and I really wanted to tell them in person. Luckily, when I got back into town, Dr. P, Seagrass Girl, and the Rev were going to dinner so I was able to get them all together. I had to wait for the Rev to get back in town before I could even go over to their dorm because I knew I would bust (I lived off campus). Finally I went to campus and I saw Dr. P in the parking lot and blurted out the news and in the same breath asked her to be our maid of honor. She was so surprised and shocked, and stood there open-mouthed and laughed and smiled and told me how happy she was for us. The Rev was coming out of the dorm to go to her car and saw the commotion and came over to see what was going on. She grabbed my arm like it wasn’t attached to my body and hauled me into the dorm screaming straight to Seagrass Girl. After her four-hour drive back to campus, SG thought the screaming meant there was a rat or a snake in the dorm and was ticked off until she saw the Rev and my hand. And then me. We all screamed and hugged and then went and had a fun dinner (at Arby’s, I think?).

So that was the beginning. I hope to do some more posts about what I learned during the wedding planning and some of the details of our wedding. For now I’ll conclude by wishing Joel and Jen the VERY BEST, and I hope you have a terrific Fake Engagement Party.