be careful what you wish for June 30, 2008

Well last week was pure craziness. On Monday and Tuesday I was at an off-site training seminar. I went into the office Wednesday, and of course it was nuts. Then my sorority convention started here locally on Wednesday night and I was there Thursday all day until 10pm and then Friday morning. I came home after lunch on Friday and I was having some cramping and pressure on the way home. I went to the bathroom and saw the one thing no pregnant woman wants to see. I lay down and called the doctor, who closes early on Fridays, of course! My OB called back and said she was at the hospital, and if I didn’t feel better within an hour, to come in and get on the monitor. We went ahead and called Train’s mom to come out so she could watch Sherman if we needed to leave. She had been at our house Friday morning because Train had a meeting, and she turned around and came back.

We left for the hospital around 5pm. The contractions were painful but not unbearable. By the time I got checked in and in the bed in triage, I had to breathe through them. They were about 3 minutes apart. My OB put the fetal and uterine monitor on and said they were going to give me a shot to stop the contractions. I could have as many as 3, and they would do one at a time to see how long it took to stop. I was 35 and a half weeks so she wanted to at least wait until 36 weeks. I was 1 cm dilated. I ended up getting two shots of terbutaline before the contractions stopped completely. Ugh, it made my heart race and I got sweaty and felt really anxious. The baby’s heart rate increased also. I could hardly sign my name on the discharge orders. But I got to go home, with a prescription for oral terbutaline if the contractions began again, which they haven’t and I haven’t had to take any more. My OB said, “It’s a good thing it’s the weekend, so you can rest – as much as possible with a two-year-old.” I never got to ask her what she would say if it had been a Wednesday night.

To say we were caught flat-footed is a total understatement. Sherman was 9 days late, and even when I was “in labor” with him, I did not feel the contractions until after I was at the hospital, the OB had broken my water, and the epidural was on its way. It’s weird that the contractions I had Friday were worse than any I ever felt with Sherman. We were both in denial that this could be “the real thing,” even though the OB said if I had been past the 36 week mark she probably would have let me progress. (The freakiest thing about that is that according to my original due date of August 1, I was 36 weeks exactly on Friday. My due date has been changed to August 5 based on my ultrasound, something that never happened with Sherman even though the ultrasound did show different due dates at different points. So, based on the August 5 due date, I will be 36 weeks tomorrow.)

Train leaves Sunday for the first of his 3 weeks out of town for grad school. He was also just hired as head volleyball coach for a high school in our county, and is running open gyms this week (with Sherman’s help). We had a good-sized list of “to-dos” for the baby to get done before he leaves. My parents are supposed to arrive July 8. After we left the hospital, I called my parents to give them an update. Mom said, “Just let us know if you want us to come earlier.” Then when I talked to her on Saturday and said it would be a big help if they could come this weekend before Train leaves (because now, not only would I need someone to watch Sherman if something happened, I need someone to drive me to the hospital), she wasn’t quite so eager. I feel like a huge pain in the butt. I’m sure that’s just me trying not to be a burden but I remember feeling this way with Sherman when I asked my parents to come early and we ended up waiting around for two weeks. My parents have a lot going on that they need to wrap up before they come up here for two months also. I asked Train yesterday, why can’t I get this right? One baby hideously late, the other hideously early?

Obviously the hardest part is not being in control. I did my best to take it easy this weekend, including skipping the last day of my sorority meetings which I really hated to do, but I did manage to get the nursery ready “enough” so that I won’t be in the hospital stressing about how unprepared we are. The stress of the unknown is getting to both of us, plus Train and Sherman have been at home together for two weeks since school got out, which means that even when I’m there, Sherman wants Train close by all of the time, which is draining. I really want Train to get his grad school work done so it’s not hanging over us, but if the baby comes early I’m not sure I will want him to leave. I remember those crazy emotions and not having him around might send me right over the edge.

I’m at work today, mainly because I wasn’t told not to come. I need to save my leave in the event this baby really does come early. (Of course after all of this he will probably come the second week of August.) And it is impossible to sit still at home. I’m grateful that the baby seems to be okay, moving around and healthy. If he’s ready, then I can be too. I would love to avoid being induced and/or having to have a c-section. What’s worse, looking down the road: a headstrong child who comes on his own schedule, or a stubborn one that refuses to come out on his own?

it’s the little things June 5, 2008

Kicking it HollowSquirrel style…things I am thankful for:

• Even though I usually complain about it, I’m thankful that most of our house has hardwood floors, because the rug in the living room STINKS and I can only imagine how bad the entire house would smell if it were all carpet.
• Even though I’d really like to get the money so we can pay off our CR-V, I’m thankful that we are only trying to sell a $10,000 truck and not a house (houses in our neighborhood are selling for less than half of what we paid for ours in late 2005).
• Even though I’m starting to get uncomfortable (and actually had contractions - real, non-Braxtion-Hicks contractions - on Monday), I’m thankful that I have not been placed on bedrest, which I think would be torturous right now. 8 weeks to go. I’m thankful that I am still able to give Sherman a bath and put him to bed (in his extremely-low-to-the-ground bed). I’m thankful that the only issue I’ve had is “slight” anemia, and that the iron supplements I’m taking have not totally wreaked havoc on my digestive system.
• Even though Sherman’s four day scary high fever and general lethargy was awful, I am thankful that he is rarely sick (knock on wood) and has never been admitted to the hospital (knock on wood), because I almost punched a doctor just for giving him a strep test. I’m also thankful that it came during a holiday week and Train and I were able to take turns staying home with him without too much rearranging.
• I’m thankful that I feel more sane during this pregnancy, able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m not sure what everyone around me thinks of my attitude, but I think it’s pretty great, considering.
• Even though Verizon is in our neighborhood laying fiberoptic cable, and they cut our Comcast lines on Monday when they were working in our yard, and Comcast won’t send a technician out until Friday to look at it, and we aren’t even Verizon customers so there is no one else to complain to, I’m thankful that Train was able to hook up our own connection to the junction box so that we have been able to use the internet and watch television. You know, the services we pay out the ass for each month.
• Even though my commute kind of sucks, and doesn’t allow for much flexibility, I am thankful that Sherman doesn’t have to commute with me for an hour each way in the car, and that he is able to wake up and go to daycare at a normal time thanks to Train’s work schedule.
• Even though it seems like Sherman isn’t making much progress in the speech area, I am thankful for the new words that do occasionally pop up, and I am really tickled at how he keeps asking for Train’s brother-in-law Roadrunner to come and play. It is a trip hearing him use people’s names.
• Even though I am stressed that I will go into labor or have a similar emergency in the middle of the night and we will have to call someone to stay with Sherman, I am thankful that my parents will be here the second week of July and I won’t have to worry about it after that. Of course, Train will be out of town but…you take what you can get.
• Even though it’s sometimes kind of embarassing how Sherman usually throws a fit when I arrive to pick him up from daycare, I am thankful that he enjoys daycare and doesn’t instead throw a fit when Train drops him off in the morning.
• Even though it is a TOTAL DRAG, I’m thankful that I am able to pack healthy snacks to take to work along with my lunch and, sometimes, breakfast, because my junk food/candy intake at work was getting ridiculous. I have always packed my lunch, but I find if I make the extra effort to bring snacks from home (for 9am, 10:30am, and 2pm…yes…I take a lot of food with me), I’m not scavenging the snack machines and various candy jars on my floor, and I feel better overall.
• I’m thankful that it’s Thursday and we can semi-relax this weekend because Train finished all of the projects on my MUST DO BEFORE BABY OMG LIST (HOUSE SUBCATEGORY) during Memorial Day weekend. Now I have to start working on my own MUST DO BEFORE BABY OMG LIST (SHOPPING SUBCATEGORY) and MUST DO BEFORE BABY OMG LIST (CLEANING SUBCATEGORY). And pack a hospital bag. Sigh.

crippled by the vein* May 10, 2008

I’ve mentioned a few times how so far my worst pregnancy symptom this go-round has been nosebleeds. While I’ve always had pretty severe nosebleeds that have gotten worse instead of better as I get older, they have been MUCH more frequent now due to the increase of blood flow and hormones in my body.

It was only recently that I realized there was possibly something surgical that could be done simply to help the inconvenience issue. I mentioned to Train that after this baby was born, I would go see a specialist about possibly getting something sutured or cauterized. Then we had a bit of an incident in the car between Kay’s wedding and reception involving using an extra sweatshirt to keep blood off my dress, and Train suggested I make an appointment sooner rather than later. I mentioned a few weeks ago that I had made an appointment with an otolaryngologist and I was super psyched about it.

I have never really researched much about nosebleeds, mostly because I was afraid of what I would find out. Honestly, in the back of my mind I figured there was something in my brain seeping blood. When my nose bleeds, it’s not just blood-tinged mucus or a little dab here on a tissue. I usually just have to hang my head over the sink while the blood pours out for a good fifteen minutes (usually I’m woken up by the scent and sense of blood in my sinus cavity) and then spend the next thirty minutes waiting for the blood to clot. I have to hold my head forward or the blood will go down my throat, so while my nose is bleeding I’m constantly spitting out blood too. (You’re welcome!)

My go-to prevention and cure for years has been Vaseline. Keeping my nose hydrated has been the only advice I’ve ever gotten about preventing nosebleeds, and Vaseline has done the trick. Then if I did get one, I would usually coat my nostrils in Vaseline as soon as the blood slowed. Once I finally did some Dr. Google research, I learned there was a rare form of pneumonia caused by the aspiration of petroleum jelly. Yikes. So I switched to Ayr saline gel, but the nosebleeds became more frequent. In the week before my doctor’s appointment, I had gone back to using Vaseline out of desperation, and saw some improvement.

When I made the appointment, I was ready to do whatever the doctor suggested. However, I had had a little lull in the nosebleeds so once I was actually sitting in the exam room, waiting for the doctor, surrounded by all kinds of tools and sprays that looked like they would be…uncomfortable…in my nostrils I started to chicken out.

I really liked the doctor that I saw. It was nice to give him the full gory details and walk through the causes and remedies that I have experienced. It was nice to not have this issue, which is a serious one for me because it’s a constant concern, be dismissed as a simple inconvenience like my OB did when I mentioned it.  The ENT was able to confirm visually that the cause is a lot of blood vessels in my nose that are also particularly close to the skin. In pregnancy you have a ton of extra blood flow which means the vessels are that much more sensitive to rupture.

I could have the blood vessels cauterized, which I was originally all gung-ho about. But the doctor and I agreed that unless it becomes totally unbearable, I should wait until after I have the baby because the problem will probably decrease significantly to a the level of pre-pregnancy (a few incidents per year). If not, I have some options. Cauterization is a “temporary” solution in that the body will attempt to re-grow the vessels within a month or so. They may re-form in a place that doesn’t cause me so much of a problem, but it’s not a long-term fix. There is a minor surgical solution that is used in extreme cases (which I am) so that would be nice, since I could be put under anesthesia for that!

The doctor and I agreed that the risk of lipoid pneumonia is so slight, and the benefit of using Vaseline so great, that I could and should continue using it as long as it works. He agreed that the saline gel was useless, so it wasn’t just me.

I’ve had a few more episodes since the appointment and while they’ve been severe, it’s helped to know that I’m not a complete freak and this doctor wasn’t totally horrified by my stories. I tried some of his suggestions but I have found my tried and true techniques to be more effective.

So I just wanted to give you an update to my saga. Right now I’m sticking with the status quo.

*I now get this song in my head every time I have a nosebleed.

surfacing April 16, 2008

Hello there! Oy, has my non-posting been hanging over my head. Busy, busy, blah blah blah. I just today caught up on most of your blogs, and also deleted some subscriptions on my Google Reader, so I am feeling much more capable.

My parents are visiting, and Sherman’s birthday party was this past weekend. It went well and the weather held out for the afternoon. Lauren has some great photos. I can’t decide which my favorite is.

I don’t even really want to talk about it, because living it is more than enough, but our house has been Tantrum City lately. I’m not sure if it’s gotten worse, or if Train and I were just used to it and now having the additional audience of my mom and dad has brought it back into glaring focus. Sherman now hates, with the fires of a thousand hells, getting dressed. WTF? It takes two of us to get him dressed (even to go “outside” like he wants). Lately he doesn’t want to get out of the bathtub. I try to give him plenty of warning…draining the tub (which has the potential to send him spiraling off into Freak Out Land), putting away toys, telling him “I’m going to put away the laundry and when I get back we’re going to get dressed.” Sometimes he gets out willingly but still has a shit fit putting on pajamas. The other night I got him in his fleece sleeper, just to have him ask to take it off half an hour later and run around naked with no diaper. ??? Then there are just the random fits that have no explanation. “Do you want the light on?” “NO NO NO NO NO!” “Do you want the light off?” “NO NO NO NO NO!”

I’m guessing this is the “Terrible Twos”, and like I said, I feel like Train and I had gotten used to it (we take a mostly wait-it-out-slash-ignore-it approach) but it is still…draining. It’s hard to watch your son scream and cry and have no clue what his problem is.

It’s got me thinking more about how in the hell a toddler and a newborn can co-exist in the same house. Surely these fits are going to wake up the baby. And surely the middle-of-the-night crying is going to wake Sherman. I don’t get it. I’m trying not to think about it too much. That worked well for me with my first pregnancy.

Otherwise, Sherman had a great 24-month checkup on Friday, with no shots (just a finger stick), and the doctor even told us we didn’t have to worry about his habit of banging his head on the floor when he’s mad. Just frustration from not being able to communicate. I’ve actually noticed a huge increase in his speech. Sherman is really trying hard to imitate and repeat after us. It’s so exciting!! I always notice a big jump when my parents visit, but that may because I’m around him more during their visits because I take time off work.

In other news, my nosebleeds have gotten worse, and I’m going to see an Ear/Nose/Throat specialist next week. I’m actually very, very excited. I had told Train that as soon as this baby was born, I was going to go get checked out and see if anything could be done (perhaps the blood vessels in my nose could be cauterized, if that was the source). But after a sudden, gushing, messy episode in the car between Kay’s wedding and reception, he encouraged me to make an appointment now. Turns out, according to my OB, most of what the ENT might do to help me will be safe during pregnancy. We’ll see. Hopefully it’s nothing serious, and I can get some real relief.

suddenly I see February 13, 2008

This week marks a year since my LASIK surgery. It really was life-changing, but it’s amazing how seldom I think of my years wearing glasses and contacts.

I had terrible vision my whole life. I got glasses in second grade. I think before then, I thought everyone had as hard of a time seeing the chalkboard as I did. By third grade, I was wearing them full time. By that point, without my glasses, I could not distinguish faces that were more than eight inches away. I most certainly couldn’t read anything. My vision mostly stayed that way for 15 years, getting only incrementally worse with annual prescription changes. Around middle school we discovered I had an astigmatism, which wasn’t that big of a deal because so did my mom. And to this day I have no idea what it means.

The biggest pain was during the summer, when I couldn’t really see while I was swimming. I had a humongous alarm clock with 6″ high numbers. I actually still have it because it is my favorite EVER, but I symbolically replaced it with a tiny-numbered version after I got my eyes fixed. My mom also had terrible eyes and we went to the eye doctor every six months.

In third grade, I was riding my bike along a semi-busy road with my mom’s best friend and her daughter. A car was coming behind us, and I think I concentrated too hard on keeping my front tire lined up with the white line on the side of the road. I fell, and my glasses shattered, cutting me around the left eye and bruising and swelling it shut. Luckily my eye wasn’t injured but it was the gnarliest I have ever looked (and ever hope to look!).

My dad and I went whitewater rafting on the French Broad River when I was in fifth grade. At the last minute he kind of panicked about my glasses, and I decided to zip them safely in my windbreaker pocket. Luckily, you don’t need to see a whole lot of detail to follow the guides instructions and use your paddle. I was more comfortable with my precious glasses safely tucked away, but once we finished my dad felt awful that I hadn’t been able to get the full experience without my glasses. I guess he saw the rafting company’s photo of our boat, with me staring unfocused at his back. But truly, I did enjoy that trip and would have been worried about my glasses (while I wasn’t thrown from the raft, I did fall into it, which is more dangerous).

In ninth grade, my mom tried to get me to get contacts. When she was in high school she was desperate to get out of glasses and wore hard lenses, which takes serious dedication. I was able to wear soft lenses, but I still wasn’t interested. Our opthamologist warned Mom that if I wasn’t ready, it wasn’t going to work. I remember tears in the back room of his office as I tried to insert and then remove several types of lenses. They gave me a trial pair to take home, which of course weren’t exactly tuned to my prescription. So for all of this hassle and drama, I couldn’t even see as well as with my glasses. I quit the contacts.

By midway through my tenth-grade year, I was ready to give it another go. As the doctor predicted, this time was much smoother because I was determined. I don’t remember if it was weird going back to school without glasses, but I do remember wearing a lens all through Biology one day while my eye teared up, and realizing afterwards that I had pinched the middle out of the lens when had I picked it up out of my case that morning, so essentially I was looking through the hole in the lens. After that I learned the lesson to always bring my glasses with me just in case.

Overall I enjoyed my contacts because I looked more grown up without glasses. But I was never truly comfortable in them, so I always took them out at night. I could never have been one of those people who left their lenses in day and night and never changed or rinsed them. My mom and I used to have a saying that when you got home at night, it was hard to decide whether to take off the contacts or the bra first. The mall air would always dry them out. Once I started driving, I was especially vigilant about carrying my glasses in case I was out late (the longer I wore my contacts, the more tired my eyes felt).

During my freshman year of college, I lost my glasses (in their case) somewhere between my dorm room and Train’s. I went about two months without them, meaning when I took my contacts out at night, I couldn’t read or watch TV. It was awful…I would want to keep my contacts in as long as possible but it was miserable. In April my mom came to visit for a sorority dinner and I mentioned I had lost my glasses. I thought she’d be mad (hell I was mad at myself!), but she was all “poor baby” and we went to the one-hour place in the mall the next day.

That year (2000) my mom got LASIK. I was apprehensive about it…it seemed really risky. She had it done on a Thursday night, and after a panicked phone call with my dad (he was sure she was going to rub her eyes and blind herself), I went home to visit for the weekend. We made her wear clear shop glasses to avoid touching her eyes. But overall she was ecstatic at her decision and freedom. Even now at 50, she only wears reading glasses (which she will remind you are only about $6 and you can buy them anywhere).

I learned that when I traveled I should always bring a spare pair of contacts (I wore 2-week disposables). One weekend in the summer, on my way up to visit Train at his parents’, I put in my contacts after filling my car with gas. The next day I was in the emergency room for a scratched cornea.

Once I began working, and commuting on the train, I would wear my glasses in to work and change into contacts at my desk. That way I could sleep on the train and still wake up comfortable. I was never big on eye drops so I tried to avoid napping in my contacts for anything. There were a few days I forgot my contacts and had to wear my glasses at work, which wasn’t a huge deal but I didn’t see as well, especially at the computer.

When we went out to visit my in-laws’, which was about an hour drive, I would always bring my glasses with me in case we stayed late. Wearing my contacts at night still made my eyes tired and I often would drive home so I was more comfortable in my glasses.

I was a huge fan of Newlyweds and I watched Jessica and Cacee get their eyes done in 2004. It was hilarious, especially when they went out to eat afterwards. I began to warm up to the idea…if Jessica Simpson could do it, surely I could. Although she did have a limo to take her.

I wasn’t really concerned with my contacts during labor when Sherman was born. My mom had told me stories of falling asleep after I was born and having to pry her eyes open because she had left her contacts in. I figured it would all depend on what time of day it was, and if I wore my glasses, no big deal. I don’t remember taking my contacts out but in photos from the beginning of labor, I had no glasses, and in the photos holding Sherman I was wearing my glasses.

Later that summer, Janet decided to get her eyes lasered. In all the years since my mom had had LASIK, I had just assumed that I was still too young and my eyes still changing. My contacts and glasses had not been that much of a hassle. But now with a baby waking me up in the middle of the night and grabbing at my glasses, it just got to be too much. Janet’s decision was like an epiphany. With all of the stuff I had to remember to take with me for Sherman, if I was going to forget something - or just be lazy and leave it behind - it was going to be my own stuff, and I was sick of toting contact solution, glasses, and cases everywhere. TIME FOR A CHANGE.

I decided to wait until the new year to begin the process. We loaded up our pre-tax health spending account so that we could use it to pay off a chunk of the surgery. I went for a consultation in January, and was able to schedule my surgery during my parents’ February visit.

I have always said the two worst things about LASIK were (a) paying for it and (b) wearing my glasses for 6 weeks before surgery. I didn’t see as well with my glasses so it took some getting used to. Luckily, if I ever need “enhancements”, I won’t have to do either of those things again.

The day before my surgery, on Valentine’s Day, in the middle of the closest thing we get to a blizzard in Virginia, my father-in-law had a liver transplant. Train and his siblings spent a few days in Charlottesville at UVA to be with their mother. Train came home on the 14th so that he could take me for surgery. It was a rough few days for him.

Sitting in an exam room waiting for my noon surgery, I teasingly asked Train if he would ever have LASIK if he needed it. He said hell no, he would never have anyone mess with his eyes because he’d “rather be half blind than totally blind”. I’m glad he kept this opinion to himself until I had no opportunity to back out. I took my valium and we all know how that turned out.

The surgery itself doesn’t take long, but setting up the machines and preparing everything is tedious. The room was cold. My eye was clamped open, and I remember the doctor telling me very sweetly that my eyelid would “give” before the metal clamp did, so I needed to just calm down and stop fighting it. There is a period during surgery where the vision in your eye is completely gone, and you just see black. It was freaky, but kind of cool. It didn’t hurt at all, it was just hard to keep still and look straight ahead. I imagine if I had a sedative that worked better for me, it wouldn’t have been so difficult.

Within a few minutes I was in a dark exam room getting my eyes checked. Things were kind of goopy, like my eyes were covered in vaseline, but I could tell that I could actually see. I was overwhelmed with emotion and drugs and I tearfully thanked the doctor.

The ride home in the snow and sunlight was rough, and as soon as we got home Train covered our bedroom windows with thick blankets. I’m not going to lie, I was in mild pain, and not sedated. My instructions were to sleep for several hours before beginning a very specific eyedrop regimen. I remember waking up every half hour or so to sit up, barely open my eyelid, pull off the eye shield, and let tears drain out.

I had soup in a dark kitchen and went back to bed for the night. The next morning I felt much better. My eyes were sore and bloodshot but I just couldn’t believe that I could see. I reached for my glasses in the morning and tried to adjust them on my face during the day. I slept in eye shields for about a week. Not allowed to touch my eyes for a few weeks. A ton of eyedrops, one that made everything yellow for a second and tasted funny when it somehow reached my throat from my eye. A visit to the eye doctor 24 hours and one week after surgery, then follow-ups at 3, 6, and 12 months post surgery.

After all of those years of glasses and contacts, it is amazing how quickly I got used to being able to see any time, any where. I packed up all of my cases and solution and sent them to Kat. I proudly placed all of my old glasses in the Lions donations box at the opthamologist’s. My friend at work, whose boyfriend had said LASIK changed his life, was confused that I didn’t make a bigger deal of it. But it seemed so natural to be able to see, I kept forgetting about all of those years when I couldn’t.

I haven’t had any problems, and I totally psyched that I don’t have to worry about any of those glasses/contacts issues with this pregnancy, delivery, and newborn stage. I have had some pretty bad eye dryness due to the pregnancy hormones, but all I need are some drugstore eyedrops.

It was definitely a wonderful decision. I’m sure I would have done it eventually, but if it hadn’t been for Janet I wouldn’t have bitten the bullet when I did. I have learned a lot of things from the ladies’ whose blogs I read, tried new things, been inspired about different things. But this definitely was the most life-changing. Happy Valentines Day, Janet, and here’s to “high definition eyeballs”!

it’s not the heat, it’s the f-ing humidity December 19, 2007

Ever since I was a little kid, I’ve had nosebleeds. Mostly when it’s dry, and mostly at night. I’ve learned a lot of little tricks to either prevent them or stop them relatively quickly once they start. As I’ve gotten older, my nosebleeds are less frequent but more severe.

When we moved to our current house in November of 2005, I would wake up in the mornings with my mouth as dry as a cotton ball. Misery. So we bought a cool mist humidifier and stuck that thing right on my nightstand. It helped a little. Once Sherman was born in the spring, I packed it up when we turned on the air conditioner.

The next winter, when he had his first stuffy nose, I put the humidifier in his room and bought us a larger one for our bedroom. This one had a big cotton wick filter. We used it all winter, and when I went to pack it up at the end of the season, I pulled out the nasty wet filter. It was disgusting. I bought a new filter to pack away with the humidifier but I was so grossed out, I didn’t even want to use it anymore.

That humidifier has sat in our closet ever since. Sherman’s humidifier got pulled out a few weeks ago with another runny nose and I plan to keep it going all winter since our house is SO. FREAKING. DRY. Each night before I go to bed lately, I’ve been putting on face and hand lotion, chapstick, plus a squirt of saline up my nose before coating it in vaseline. Folks, I am not a high-maintenance person. You’re lucky if I brush my teeth before I hit the hay. But I was starting to feel like some dessicated specimen being preserved for research.

I’ve resisted buying a new humidifier because (a) they are expensive; (b) the one we have is in working condition; and (c) there is so much conflicting advice about what kind to get. I knew I didn’t want one with a filter. I thought I wanted ultrasonic (I think that’s what Sherman has), but those create white dust if you don’t use distilled water (oops). So maybe I wanted an impeller, which picks up the water and basically blows it into the air with a fan. I was pretty sure I didn’t want the warm-mist…they sound dangerous, and kind of…disgusting. So I pretty much gave up.

Then I had my First Nosebleed Of The 2007 Winter Season a couple of weeks ago, which made me almost an hour late for work. I won’t go into details (I’d love to, but you may be eating your lunch) - it was a run-of-the-mill nosebleed for me, which is to say it was pretty heavy, and was triggered by accidentally brushing my nose while turning off my alarm clock, and ended with me bleaching the bathroom sink.

The next week, I got a Vicks impeller humidifier at Wal-Mart (how can you not trust Vicks?) and it didn’t work for shit. Literally, it wouldn’t turn on. I called the company and they advised me to return it to the store. The second one was almost as bad. It was noisy as hell and the lights were too bright. I’m not a human hygrometer, but it didn’t seem like it had helped and I didn’t sleep well, so I returned it, fed up with the whole humidifier thing and figuring I would just ramp up my nasal hydration routine.

Then this weekend I was up at 6:30 in the morning with another nosebleed. By the time I got that stopped, had gone back to bed, and just begun to fall back asleep, Sherman got up and we began our day. And on Sunday night, when Sherman was up for two hours because he wasn’t sleeping well with his stuffy nose, I had another small nosebleed. Bullshit.

So on Monday I was determined to buy a top-of-the-line, easy to maintain, highly efficient humidifier, no matter the cost. If Train made a comment about the expense, I would give him a bloody nose of his own. Instead of ordering one online as I originally planned, I decided to see if Bed Bath & Beyond had any of the most highly rated models (20% off coupon!) so I didn’t have to wait for shipping.

I decided on a warm mist Enviracaire. Two easy-to-fill tanks, 99.9% germ free (right), and a mineral absorption pad (we have extraordinarily hard water - in my opinion). I tried it last night and I felt moderately better. My skin wasn’t as tight when I woke up. I’m going to give it a couple of days to regulate the humidity level in our room. If this doesn’t work, we’re going to have to put in a tank for me to sleep in.

valium November 9, 2007

When I was a kid, my mom always dreaded going to the dentist. She would have the dentist or her doctor prescribe her a single Valium that she could take an hour before her appointment so she wouldn’t freak.

(This reminds me of how my parents’ dentist once mentioned to my mom that he failed out of college on his first try because he partied too hard. D’oh! My dad never went back.)

When I was in college, I would go to the dentist when I was home from school. I don’t know what I was eating but every time I went I had multiple cavities. Which meant I would then have to schedule another appointment to get them filled. I hated that.

The worst time was when he told me I had NINE. That’s a lot of cavities. My mom decided I needed some pharmaceutical assistance to get through that experience, so I took a valium and off we went to the dentist’s office (me and my dad, I mean…I told you my mom hated the dentist).

Since I had so many cavities, and we were going to do them all at once, the dentist applied a rubber dam. They apply the novacaine and begin filling all of the sugary, bacteria-laden holes in my teeth.

And…panic attack. That green plastic rubber over my mouth made me feel like I was suffocating. I started crying and hyperventilating, and they had to stop and bring in my dad to calm me down. I was like, 20, for God’s sake. How embarassing. My mom’s reaction to this was that I didn’t have enough valium.

Then, earlier this year, I upgraded to high-definition eyes (tm Janet) when I had LASIK. Part of the surgery prep is to take valium. Somewhere in the back of my head I had memories of the dentist escapade but I thought, surely, I have grown out of whatever that was.

Obviously, right as the surgeon began lining up the laser to cut a flap off of my EYEBALL, I started to feel those internal freak out symptoms…increased heart rate, fidgeting, etc. I pulled it together and made it through the (7 minute) surgery. I went into the dark post-surgery room where the surgeon took a look at my eyes to make sure everything looked okay. I cried, because I was so stunned and happy and overwhelmed with adrenaline and nerves and VALIUM.

Then Train went to get the car and while I waited in the lobby, which was surrounded by windows on 3 sides and let in the blinding light from the recent snow on the ground, I had to take deep breaths and squint my eyes. By the time I made it to the car, I got my seat belt on and conveniently went into full-on losing-my-shit mode. It was so odd - I didn’t want to be so dramatic, but it was like my body needed to get this extra energy out. I remember telling Train to just ignore me, that I was fine, and also that I wanted to claw my eyeballs out and toss them out the window.

So obviously, I have learned my lesson about valium - it just doesn’t work on me. “Paradoxical reactions such as hyperexcited states, anxiety, excitement, hallucinations, increased muscle spasticity, insomnia, rage, as well as sleep disturbances and stimulation, have been reported.” Yes, I felt almost all of those (no hallucinations, thank God).