so what’s left? July 3, 2008

I want to post but I don’t want to talk about anything.

I don’t want to talk about how relieved I am that my parents may move their plane reservation to Saturday so that they will be here before Train leaves for his first week of classes in Virginia Beach. I don’t want to talk about how guilty I feel that I think it may cost them $300. I don’t want to talk about how I begged them to come three days early when I was pregnant with Sherman and we ended up waiting two more weeks for him to show up. I don’t want to talk about how my parents are dealing with several issues with their rental properties that we were all hoping could be wrapped up before they came but probably will not be, and since they are staying until the end of August, I worry that this will cause them added stress and cost.

I don’t want to talk about how when my parents get here, Sherman will probably prefer my dad for the first few days until he gets used to Train being gone and Grammy and Grandpap visiting, because he is much more into his uncles and Train’s male friends than any adult females lately, and how worried I am that this will hurt my mother’s feelings.

I don’t want to talk about how, after three weeks of being home with Daddy all day, Sherman won’t even talk to me for the first hour when I get home from work, and forget about allowing me to distract him while Train tries to make dinner. I don’t want to talk about how I can’t stand to see him try to get his way by screaming and pushing. I don’t want to talk about how then two hours later he will snuggle up to me on the couch while we watch Sesame Street after bath time and I forget all about the monster that made me want to call Super Nanny.

I don’t want to talk about how Sherman has been fighting naptime (for Daddy during the day) and bedtime for the past few days, including one hellacious two hour fight Friday night after our time at L&D. I REALLY don’t want to talk about how nervous I am that these episodes will continue after my parents get here, and my preferred method of cry-it-out/repeatedly put him back in bed will cause tension and unnecessary drama between my mother and I, at least for the first few days until she comes to her senses and realizes that when Sherman is allowed to rule the roost, everyone suffers. I don’t want to talk about how nervous I am about Sherman getting a good night’s rest and good naps with a newborn in the house who will wake loudly at all hours of the day and night. I’m less nervous about the baby sleeping because I think he will get used to the noise (hopefully).

I don’t want to talk about the credit card bill. I don’t want to talk about Train’s new job as head volleyball coach at a high school in our county, a prestigious job with a great team with excellent prospects that will, if nothing else, mean a lot for his career and fulfill him professionally. I don’t want to talk about how as head coach he is actually responsible for three teams (freshman, JV, and varsity) including practices and games, including away games and all-day tournaments on several Saturdays. I don’t want to talk about how we don’t know what to expect as far as having two children, and that I am anxious I won’t be able to handle them both on my own while he’s gone and will end up (a) taking it out on Train and/or (b) totally losing my mind. I don’t want to talk about the fact that both of his graduate programs finish this fall and I worry that he is taking on too much but he simply could not turn down this job.

I don’t want to talk about the fact that the school where he is coaching is on the other side of the county and we just bought a gas-guzzler to hold our growing family, and how Train has been looking for cheap, high-MPG cars on Craigslist. I don’t want to talk about how not only has he been unsuccessful finding something decent, I have a feeling that whatever he brings home, I will make him park it down the street instead of in our driveway.

I don’t want to talk about how much I freaking hate the ice cream truck that drives around our neighborhood, and how irritated I am that last summer I had a whole list of reasons and this year I can’t remember any.

I don’t want to talk about how it’s 4th of July weekend and I have been hearing fireworks in our neighborhood since Tuesday night and I’m sure they will continue through Sunday, and how keyed up I get worrying that they will wake up Sherman and knowing that one of our dogs simply can’t take it. I don’t want to talk about how I consider calling the county police non-emergency line every 20 minutes to complain about the noise but I figure that would be a nuisance. I don’t want to talk about how every year I wonder if we should take Sherman to see fireworks, but I always decide that messing up his bedtime routine isn’t worth it and I worry if I am too uptight of a parent.

I don’t want to talk about how anxious I am about being in the hospital to have this baby and being away from Sherman for at least two days, and if he will totally forget me while I’m gone or hate me when I get back. I don’t want to talk about how I don’t want him to come to the hospital because if he were to come and pitch a fit or tantrum it would stress me out even more. I don’t want to talk about how I want my parents to stay at the house with Sherman so he doesn’t feel like he is being left behind, but I know they want to be at the hospital when the baby is born.

I don’t want to talk about how I don’t know if I should buy a bunch of different types of pacifiers to take to the hospital. I tried 3 different kinds with Sherman before he liked one. I don’t want to talk about how I only have 3 bottles for this baby because I’m afraid we’ll end up switching brands.

I don’t want to talk about work frustrations, and how if I have the baby early I can go on maternity leave but Train will be out of town, so I keep hoping to not deliver early, which is pretty much the opposite of any normal pregnancy instinct. I don’t want to talk about how social security has not been taken out of my last 3 paychecks and I’m doubtful it will be resolved before I go out on leave, meaning not only will I take my leave without pay, but I will owe money when I return.

I don’t want to talk about our five year wedding anniversary next week, and how all I ever want to do on our anniversary is go to Hershey Park with Train, but for the last two years I didn’t want to leave Sherman all day and this year I’m just too damn pregnant. I don’t want to talk about how our plan was to start trying to get pregnant around this time of year and instead I had a freakout last fall and here we are, and how glad I am that I am almost done with this pregnancy and everything seems to be fine. I don’t want to talk about how much of a help Train has been lately in indulging my nesting instincts and increasing lack of control in my own life, and how lucky I am to be his wife and how much our lives have changed and improved in the last five years.

So I’m just not going to post. What is it that you don’t want to talk about today?

it’s the little things June 5, 2008

Kicking it HollowSquirrel style…things I am thankful for:

• Even though I usually complain about it, I’m thankful that most of our house has hardwood floors, because the rug in the living room STINKS and I can only imagine how bad the entire house would smell if it were all carpet.
• Even though I’d really like to get the money so we can pay off our CR-V, I’m thankful that we are only trying to sell a $10,000 truck and not a house (houses in our neighborhood are selling for less than half of what we paid for ours in late 2005).
• Even though I’m starting to get uncomfortable (and actually had contractions - real, non-Braxtion-Hicks contractions - on Monday), I’m thankful that I have not been placed on bedrest, which I think would be torturous right now. 8 weeks to go. I’m thankful that I am still able to give Sherman a bath and put him to bed (in his extremely-low-to-the-ground bed). I’m thankful that the only issue I’ve had is “slight” anemia, and that the iron supplements I’m taking have not totally wreaked havoc on my digestive system.
• Even though Sherman’s four day scary high fever and general lethargy was awful, I am thankful that he is rarely sick (knock on wood) and has never been admitted to the hospital (knock on wood), because I almost punched a doctor just for giving him a strep test. I’m also thankful that it came during a holiday week and Train and I were able to take turns staying home with him without too much rearranging.
• I’m thankful that I feel more sane during this pregnancy, able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m not sure what everyone around me thinks of my attitude, but I think it’s pretty great, considering.
• Even though Verizon is in our neighborhood laying fiberoptic cable, and they cut our Comcast lines on Monday when they were working in our yard, and Comcast won’t send a technician out until Friday to look at it, and we aren’t even Verizon customers so there is no one else to complain to, I’m thankful that Train was able to hook up our own connection to the junction box so that we have been able to use the internet and watch television. You know, the services we pay out the ass for each month.
• Even though my commute kind of sucks, and doesn’t allow for much flexibility, I am thankful that Sherman doesn’t have to commute with me for an hour each way in the car, and that he is able to wake up and go to daycare at a normal time thanks to Train’s work schedule.
• Even though it seems like Sherman isn’t making much progress in the speech area, I am thankful for the new words that do occasionally pop up, and I am really tickled at how he keeps asking for Train’s brother-in-law Roadrunner to come and play. It is a trip hearing him use people’s names.
• Even though I am stressed that I will go into labor or have a similar emergency in the middle of the night and we will have to call someone to stay with Sherman, I am thankful that my parents will be here the second week of July and I won’t have to worry about it after that. Of course, Train will be out of town but…you take what you can get.
• Even though it’s sometimes kind of embarassing how Sherman usually throws a fit when I arrive to pick him up from daycare, I am thankful that he enjoys daycare and doesn’t instead throw a fit when Train drops him off in the morning.
• Even though it is a TOTAL DRAG, I’m thankful that I am able to pack healthy snacks to take to work along with my lunch and, sometimes, breakfast, because my junk food/candy intake at work was getting ridiculous. I have always packed my lunch, but I find if I make the extra effort to bring snacks from home (for 9am, 10:30am, and 2pm…yes…I take a lot of food with me), I’m not scavenging the snack machines and various candy jars on my floor, and I feel better overall.
• I’m thankful that it’s Thursday and we can semi-relax this weekend because Train finished all of the projects on my MUST DO BEFORE BABY OMG LIST (HOUSE SUBCATEGORY) during Memorial Day weekend. Now I have to start working on my own MUST DO BEFORE BABY OMG LIST (SHOPPING SUBCATEGORY) and MUST DO BEFORE BABY OMG LIST (CLEANING SUBCATEGORY). And pack a hospital bag. Sigh.

pennies from heaven November 20, 2007

If your paycheck is direct deposited every two weeks, and during one of the “in between” non-pay weeks, $2200 showed up in your checking account, what would you do?

(a) consider it good karma and move it to your savings account
(b) consider it bad karma and ignore it
(c) report it to your employer

Yes, obviously I am a (c) person. This is most certainly unlucky (unless, of course, it is discovered that this is some secret, unannounced performance bonus) because I’ve been paid mistakenly in the past and it is a huge pain to get everything fixed. But it sure was a nice bump in the account balance for a little while.