Effected

More for my benefit than yours.

alive July 9, 2008

Filed under: best stressed, second pregnancy — Erika @ 1:45 pm

Just a quick post to let you know I have not (totally) lost my mind. I’m still here, Train is gone, I miss him so much it’s kind of embarassing but I’m blaming it on hormones. The thought of Sherman’s bedtime still makes me want to run away from home but as Katie said, tomorrow is another day (to be completely demoralized as a mother).

Thoughts from my 36 week checkup on Monday (what, does that math not match any other updates I’ve given? I have no f-ing clue how far along I am, basically. My brain is mush and I’m confused):

1 - I only gained 1 lb in two weeks. I am really, really proud of this. I treated myself to a Thin Mint Blizzard (limited time only!).
2 - Still 1 cm dilated.
3 - OB/GYNs should not employ really skinny nurses. I hate skinny people right now. If you come to see me any time between now and October, you better be in yoga pants and a t-shirt with no makeup or I will give you dirty looks.

 

so what’s left? July 3, 2008

Filed under: best stressed, family, holiday, mommyhood, money, second pregnancy — Erika @ 8:23 am

I want to post but I don’t want to talk about anything.

I don’t want to talk about how relieved I am that my parents may move their plane reservation to Saturday so that they will be here before Train leaves for his first week of classes in Virginia Beach. I don’t want to talk about how guilty I feel that I think it may cost them $300. I don’t want to talk about how I begged them to come three days early when I was pregnant with Sherman and we ended up waiting two more weeks for him to show up. I don’t want to talk about how my parents are dealing with several issues with their rental properties that we were all hoping could be wrapped up before they came but probably will not be, and since they are staying until the end of August, I worry that this will cause them added stress and cost.

I don’t want to talk about how when my parents get here, Sherman will probably prefer my dad for the first few days until he gets used to Train being gone and Grammy and Grandpap visiting, because he is much more into his uncles and Train’s male friends than any adult females lately, and how worried I am that this will hurt my mother’s feelings.

I don’t want to talk about how, after three weeks of being home with Daddy all day, Sherman won’t even talk to me for the first hour when I get home from work, and forget about allowing me to distract him while Train tries to make dinner. I don’t want to talk about how I can’t stand to see him try to get his way by screaming and pushing. I don’t want to talk about how then two hours later he will snuggle up to me on the couch while we watch Sesame Street after bath time and I forget all about the monster that made me want to call Super Nanny.

I don’t want to talk about how Sherman has been fighting naptime (for Daddy during the day) and bedtime for the past few days, including one hellacious two hour fight Friday night after our time at L&D. I REALLY don’t want to talk about how nervous I am that these episodes will continue after my parents get here, and my preferred method of cry-it-out/repeatedly put him back in bed will cause tension and unnecessary drama between my mother and I, at least for the first few days until she comes to her senses and realizes that when Sherman is allowed to rule the roost, everyone suffers. I don’t want to talk about how nervous I am about Sherman getting a good night’s rest and good naps with a newborn in the house who will wake loudly at all hours of the day and night. I’m less nervous about the baby sleeping because I think he will get used to the noise (hopefully).

I don’t want to talk about the credit card bill. I don’t want to talk about Train’s new job as head volleyball coach at a high school in our county, a prestigious job with a great team with excellent prospects that will, if nothing else, mean a lot for his career and fulfill him professionally. I don’t want to talk about how as head coach he is actually responsible for three teams (freshman, JV, and varsity) including practices and games, including away games and all-day tournaments on several Saturdays. I don’t want to talk about how we don’t know what to expect as far as having two children, and that I am anxious I won’t be able to handle them both on my own while he’s gone and will end up (a) taking it out on Train and/or (b) totally losing my mind. I don’t want to talk about the fact that both of his graduate programs finish this fall and I worry that he is taking on too much but he simply could not turn down this job.

I don’t want to talk about the fact that the school where he is coaching is on the other side of the county and we just bought a gas-guzzler to hold our growing family, and how Train has been looking for cheap, high-MPG cars on Craigslist. I don’t want to talk about how not only has he been unsuccessful finding something decent, I have a feeling that whatever he brings home, I will make him park it down the street instead of in our driveway.

I don’t want to talk about how much I freaking hate the ice cream truck that drives around our neighborhood, and how irritated I am that last summer I had a whole list of reasons and this year I can’t remember any.

I don’t want to talk about how it’s 4th of July weekend and I have been hearing fireworks in our neighborhood since Tuesday night and I’m sure they will continue through Sunday, and how keyed up I get worrying that they will wake up Sherman and knowing that one of our dogs simply can’t take it. I don’t want to talk about how I consider calling the county police non-emergency line every 20 minutes to complain about the noise but I figure that would be a nuisance. I don’t want to talk about how every year I wonder if we should take Sherman to see fireworks, but I always decide that messing up his bedtime routine isn’t worth it and I worry if I am too uptight of a parent.

I don’t want to talk about how anxious I am about being in the hospital to have this baby and being away from Sherman for at least two days, and if he will totally forget me while I’m gone or hate me when I get back. I don’t want to talk about how I don’t want him to come to the hospital because if he were to come and pitch a fit or tantrum it would stress me out even more. I don’t want to talk about how I want my parents to stay at the house with Sherman so he doesn’t feel like he is being left behind, but I know they want to be at the hospital when the baby is born.

I don’t want to talk about how I don’t know if I should buy a bunch of different types of pacifiers to take to the hospital. I tried 3 different kinds with Sherman before he liked one. I don’t want to talk about how I only have 3 bottles for this baby because I’m afraid we’ll end up switching brands.

I don’t want to talk about work frustrations, and how if I have the baby early I can go on maternity leave but Train will be out of town, so I keep hoping to not deliver early, which is pretty much the opposite of any normal pregnancy instinct. I don’t want to talk about how social security has not been taken out of my last 3 paychecks and I’m doubtful it will be resolved before I go out on leave, meaning not only will I take my leave without pay, but I will owe money when I return.

I don’t want to talk about our five year wedding anniversary next week, and how all I ever want to do on our anniversary is go to Hershey Park with Train, but for the last two years I didn’t want to leave Sherman all day and this year I’m just too damn pregnant. I don’t want to talk about how our plan was to start trying to get pregnant around this time of year and instead I had a freakout last fall and here we are, and how glad I am that I am almost done with this pregnancy and everything seems to be fine. I don’t want to talk about how much of a help Train has been lately in indulging my nesting instincts and increasing lack of control in my own life, and how lucky I am to be his wife and how much our lives have changed and improved in the last five years.

So I’m just not going to post. What is it that you don’t want to talk about today?

 

be careful what you wish for June 30, 2008

Filed under: health, second pregnancy — Erika @ 9:51 am

Well last week was pure craziness. On Monday and Tuesday I was at an off-site training seminar. I went into the office Wednesday, and of course it was nuts. Then my sorority convention started here locally on Wednesday night and I was there Thursday all day until 10pm and then Friday morning. I came home after lunch on Friday and I was having some cramping and pressure on the way home. I went to the bathroom and saw the one thing no pregnant woman wants to see. I lay down and called the doctor, who closes early on Fridays, of course! My OB called back and said she was at the hospital, and if I didn’t feel better within an hour, to come in and get on the monitor. We went ahead and called Train’s mom to come out so she could watch Sherman if we needed to leave. She had been at our house Friday morning because Train had a meeting, and she turned around and came back.

We left for the hospital around 5pm. The contractions were painful but not unbearable. By the time I got checked in and in the bed in triage, I had to breathe through them. They were about 3 minutes apart. My OB put the fetal and uterine monitor on and said they were going to give me a shot to stop the contractions. I could have as many as 3, and they would do one at a time to see how long it took to stop. I was 35 and a half weeks so she wanted to at least wait until 36 weeks. I was 1 cm dilated. I ended up getting two shots of terbutaline before the contractions stopped completely. Ugh, it made my heart race and I got sweaty and felt really anxious. The baby’s heart rate increased also. I could hardly sign my name on the discharge orders. But I got to go home, with a prescription for oral terbutaline if the contractions began again, which they haven’t and I haven’t had to take any more. My OB said, “It’s a good thing it’s the weekend, so you can rest – as much as possible with a two-year-old.” I never got to ask her what she would say if it had been a Wednesday night.

To say we were caught flat-footed is a total understatement. Sherman was 9 days late, and even when I was “in labor” with him, I did not feel the contractions until after I was at the hospital, the OB had broken my water, and the epidural was on its way. It’s weird that the contractions I had Friday were worse than any I ever felt with Sherman. We were both in denial that this could be “the real thing,” even though the OB said if I had been past the 36 week mark she probably would have let me progress. (The freakiest thing about that is that according to my original due date of August 1, I was 36 weeks exactly on Friday. My due date has been changed to August 5 based on my ultrasound, something that never happened with Sherman even though the ultrasound did show different due dates at different points. So, based on the August 5 due date, I will be 36 weeks tomorrow.)

Train leaves Sunday for the first of his 3 weeks out of town for grad school. He was also just hired as head volleyball coach for a high school in our county, and is running open gyms this week (with Sherman’s help). We had a good-sized list of “to-dos” for the baby to get done before he leaves. My parents are supposed to arrive July 8. After we left the hospital, I called my parents to give them an update. Mom said, “Just let us know if you want us to come earlier.” Then when I talked to her on Saturday and said it would be a big help if they could come this weekend before Train leaves (because now, not only would I need someone to watch Sherman if something happened, I need someone to drive me to the hospital), she wasn’t quite so eager. I feel like a huge pain in the butt. I’m sure that’s just me trying not to be a burden but I remember feeling this way with Sherman when I asked my parents to come early and we ended up waiting around for two weeks. My parents have a lot going on that they need to wrap up before they come up here for two months also. I asked Train yesterday, why can’t I get this right? One baby hideously late, the other hideously early?

Obviously the hardest part is not being in control. I did my best to take it easy this weekend, including skipping the last day of my sorority meetings which I really hated to do, but I did manage to get the nursery ready “enough” so that I won’t be in the hospital stressing about how unprepared we are. The stress of the unknown is getting to both of us, plus Train and Sherman have been at home together for two weeks since school got out, which means that even when I’m there, Sherman wants Train close by all of the time, which is draining. I really want Train to get his grad school work done so it’s not hanging over us, but if the baby comes early I’m not sure I will want him to leave. I remember those crazy emotions and not having him around might send me right over the edge.

I’m at work today, mainly because I wasn’t told not to come. I need to save my leave in the event this baby really does come early. (Of course after all of this he will probably come the second week of August.) And it is impossible to sit still at home. I’m grateful that the baby seems to be okay, moving around and healthy. If he’s ready, then I can be too. I would love to avoid being induced and/or having to have a c-section. What’s worse, looking down the road: a headstrong child who comes on his own schedule, or a stubborn one that refuses to come out on his own?

 

it’s the little things June 5, 2008

Kicking it HollowSquirrel style…things I am thankful for:

  • Even though I usually complain about it, I’m thankful that most of our house has hardwood floors, because the rug in the living room STINKS and I can only imagine how bad the entire house would smell if it were all carpet.
  • Even though I’d really like to get the money so we can pay off our CR-V, I’m thankful that we are only trying to sell a $10,000 truck and not a house (houses in our neighborhood are selling for less than half of what we paid for ours in late 2005).
  • Even though I’m starting to get uncomfortable (and actually had contractions - real, non-Braxtion-Hicks contractions - on Monday), I’m thankful that I have not been placed on bedrest, which I think would be torturous right now. 8 weeks to go. I’m thankful that I am still able to give Sherman a bath and put him to bed (in his extremely-low-to-the-ground bed). I’m thankful that the only issue I’ve had is “slight” anemia, and that the iron supplements I’m taking have not totally wreaked havoc on my digestive system.
  • Even though Sherman’s four day scary high fever and general lethargy was awful, I am thankful that he is rarely sick (knock on wood) and has never been admitted to the hospital (knock on wood), because I almost punched a doctor just for giving him a strep test. I’m also thankful that it came during a holiday week and Train and I were able to take turns staying home with him without too much rearranging.
  • I’m thankful that I feel more sane during this pregnancy, able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m not sure what everyone around me thinks of my attitude, but I think it’s pretty great, considering.
  • Even though Verizon is in our neighborhood laying fiberoptic cable, and they cut our Comcast lines on Monday when they were working in our yard, and Comcast won’t send a technician out until Friday to look at it, and we aren’t even Verizon customers so there is no one else to complain to, I’m thankful that Train was able to hook up our own connection to the junction box so that we have been able to use the internet and watch television. You know, the services we pay out the ass for each month.
  • Even though my commute kind of sucks, and doesn’t allow for much flexibility, I am thankful that Sherman doesn’t have to commute with me for an hour each way in the car, and that he is able to wake up and go to daycare at a normal time thanks to Train’s work schedule.
  • Even though it seems like Sherman isn’t making much progress in the speech area, I am thankful for the new words that do occasionally pop up, and I am really tickled at how he keeps asking for Train’s brother-in-law Roadrunner to come and play. It is a trip hearing him use people’s names.
  • Even though I am stressed that I will go into labor or have a similar emergency in the middle of the night and we will have to call someone to stay with Sherman, I am thankful that my parents will be here the second week of July and I won’t have to worry about it after that. Of course, Train will be out of town but…you take what you can get.
  • Even though it’s sometimes kind of embarassing how Sherman usually throws a fit when I arrive to pick him up from daycare, I am thankful that he enjoys daycare and doesn’t instead throw a fit when Train drops him off in the morning.
  • Even though it is a TOTAL DRAG, I’m thankful that I am able to pack healthy snacks to take to work along with my lunch and, sometimes, breakfast, because my junk food/candy intake at work was getting ridiculous. I have always packed my lunch, but I find if I make the extra effort to bring snacks from home (for 9am, 10:30am, and 2pm…yes…I take a lot of food with me), I’m not scavenging the snack machines and various candy jars on my floor, and I feel better overall.
  • I’m thankful that it’s Thursday and we can semi-relax this weekend because Train finished all of the projects on my MUST DO BEFORE BABY OMG LIST (HOUSE SUBCATEGORY) during Memorial Day weekend. Now I have to start working on my own MUST DO BEFORE BABY OMG LIST (SHOPPING SUBCATEGORY) and MUST DO BEFORE BABY OMG LIST (CLEANING SUBCATEGORY). And pack a hospital bag. Sigh.
 

week end wrap-up May 16, 2008

This week I have:

  • Almost hurt an old lady at CVS on purpose. I had ONE THING to purchase, and I was in line at the photo center, the only register open. There was an older lady standing at the front registers (which were closed) writing something in her checkbook. As the line at the photo center got longer and longer, the cashier called for backup and another register was opened. You know the old lady hightailed it over and got to the new register at the same time I did. I figured I should be nice (even though…hello, pregnant!). But then she slowed back down to molasses speed and took forever emptying her (full) cart, finding her ExtraCare card, and writing a check. Four customers got through the line at the photo center while I stood there. I could literally feel the hormones surging through my body and I wanted to scream, cry, and then throw her cart across the store. It was an uncharacteristic display of willpower. OY!
  • Passed my glucose tolerance test. I took Monday off to do the test (realizing once I got there that they were open on Saturday…) and meant to call the doctor on Wednesday for my results. My OB practice has a “no news is good news policy” but I just wanted to check. I was busy at work and forgot, and around 12:15 I had a voicemail on my cell phone from one of the nurses doing a “follow-up…give me a call back after 1:00.” So I spent the next 45 minutes thinking I had gestational diabetes and was drinking my last Coke until August. But when I called, the nurse said I had done great with the glucose, but was slightly anemic and needed to take some additional iron supplements. Compared with the possibility of diabetes…no problem.
  • Overdrafted our checking account by $700. When I tried to transfer our economic stimulus money into our ING account, I pulled it from the wrong bank. We have been so busy this week, I didn’t notice it until a day too late, when all of my electronic bill payments went through and our checking account was a nasty mess of red numbers. Train spent most of Wednesday night (until 1am, actually) making multiple ATM withdrawals from Wachovia and then depositing the money into Bank of America. Even then we kept miscalculating the fees and outstanding checks so it still really wasn’t enough. I called BoA on Thursday and the customer service rep nicely refunded the $125 in overdraft fees, and I made another deposit Thursday afternoon thinking we would be in the clear. But a single debit hit the account in between that time, causing another $35 fee, so that when Hector cashed his check yesterday (see below), we were $15 short. Ay yi yi. Another $10 in overdraft fees. I’m not even going to look at that account for a few days until all of that settles down. But what a holy mess. I’m blaming it on the Bush administration.
  • Finally hung curtains in Sherman’s room. I wanted something very specific and I had to have them pieced together because I know nothing about sewing, but I love them. Am decorating genius.

This week we have:

  • Bought a car! After Sunday’s attempt at the Honda dealership, Train took another look around Craigslist and asked me what I thought about a Ford Expedition. I know you are thinking we are out of our minds, with $4 gas and all, but remember: the vehicle we’re getting rid of is an F-150, so it’s not that different. He had found a couple in the area that looked really nice. We fell in love with a green Eddie Bauer edition, but when I called the dealer Monday night the salesman was 90% sure it had already been sold. I found another 2005 Eddie Bauer (blue) at a dealership closer to us, and Train went to look at it Tuesday during lunch. Of course the salesman said, “Take it with you and try it out!” and so he did. We ended up driving that Expedition down to another dealer Tuesday afternoon to look at a second (older) one. It took over an hour in traffic to get to the second dealer, and the car was not in as good condition, so we stopped for drive-thru and went back to the original dealer, which took over and hour and a half. By the time we got to the dealer it was after 7pm and we still had carfax and other issues to work out, not to mention price. I eventually left Train there and got Sherman home, bathed, and in bed by 8:30pm. Not too shabby, but not an evening I want to repeat soon. That night we ended up using the DVD system that we swore we’d try not to use, and it was a LIFESAVER. I’m in love with this car. It’s so much roomier than a Pilot.
  • Replaced our basement door and bathroom faucets. Hector and Train have replaced all of the other exterior doors in the house, and this was the last one to do. They put in a solid steel door and a storm door on the outside. And not a moment too soon, because we had some torrential rains and we had had problems with water getting in under the old door. As for the faucets, the upstairs bathroom double-handle faucets squeaked something awful, and the guest bathroom is right outside the nursery and that always set my teeth on edge. Now we have single handle, silent faucets, and you don’t have to always choose between “hot” or “cold”. Heaven.

  • Paid $450 for the 30,000 mile tune up on the CR-V. Ouch.
  • Gotten our man room projector back. We have a “den” in the basement and instead of a TV, we have a ceiling-mounted projector and movie-style screen (thanks to Luff). A while ago, it started messing up so we replaced the lamp and Train cleaned out the inside of the projector. Of course that wasn’t the problem, and things went downhill fast, to the point that the colors were so screwed up you couldn’t even watch it. We decided to send it off for service, and $800 later, it came back today. We have hardly spent any time in the man room since the projector’s been gone (even though there is an actual television in there). It’s looking great and better than new. Let’s hope it holds out.
  • Drafted a Craigslist ad to sell the truck. I hope we can get it up there soon but we have got to clean it out first. We are determined to get enough money (within Blue book range) to pay off the CR-V and have some left over, possibly for a trailer.

I’m sure you’ve seen that John Edwards has endorsed Barack Obama. He says he’s not interested in Vice President (and cagey about Attorney General), but you have to admit they look damn good together. It’s a shame, because I think Edwards on the ticket would help Obama immensely. But I understand that he’s been there, done that.

 

life is a highway May 11, 2008

Filed under: best stressed, is it just me?, second pregnancy — Erika @ 8:53 pm
Tags: , ,

Why can’t anything ever be simple? Ever since we found out about baby #2, we’ve been contemplating our vehicle situation. We have a small SUV and a pickup truck. It works fine for now, but we’d like something with a little more room for actual human beings and all of their legs.

We bought the truck my senior year of college, during Train’s first year of teaching. I say “we” because if it were up to him he’d still be driving his shit brown 1987 Ford Ranger (I know all my sorority sisters are recalling that truck fondly right about now). But let’s face it, we were engaged at that point, and no husband of mine was going to be driving a car almost as old as me. He has an F150 extended cab 4WD, and it has served him well. Me, on the other hand…well, it’s kicked my ass a few times and I’m not particularly sorry to see it go. The reason it has to go is because Sherman’s car seat sits in the middle of the back bench, basically putting his legs in between the two front seats. Adding a second car seat, which we always thought we could do because there are anchors, means each kid would sit behind one of the front seats, and also means Mommy and Daddy in the front would be eating dashboard every time we were in stop-and-go traffic. NOPE! Selfishly, I’m also tired of Train being the neighborhood and family haul guy just because he has a truck. Dude, Home Depot rents those things for $20/hour, move your own damn couch. We’ve gotten to the point where if someone needs the truck we just give them the keys, but that has resulted in some unfortunate air-freshener incidents which I don’t care to repeat. Plus, have you seen gas prices lately? Yowza.

Our other car is a CR-V, which we bought new about two years ago right after Sherman was born. I really love this car…pretty much the only thing that would make it better would be a line-in jack for the iPod. Or maybe XM radio. Anyway. I love how it handles, and it is plenty roomy for the three of us and all of our junk. It’s not too hard to get in and out of (like the Civic we had before, which was too low to the ground for me to wrestle Sherman into). The only problem is that in this car we have our Britax Marathon, which, holy jesus is that thing big. It’s in the middle of the backseat, and I asked Train a few months ago to move it to one side so it would be easier for me to get Sherman in and out. His verdict was that it is so large front-to-back that it wouldn’t fit behind one of the front bucket seats. Plus, we don’t go on a whole lot of car trips - the furthest we go is North Carolina, which is about 5 hours - but when we do, the CR-V is usually packed to the gills with luggage, pack n play, toys, snacks, computer, DVD player, etc. Adding a second child and all of his accompanying gear was overwhelming. So the idea is that we could get something bigger for serious family travel, and I could keep the CR-V just to get around.

We had settled on a minivan some time ago, thinking that it would give us plenty of space and extra passenger room if needed. I was SUPER psyched about automatic remote sliding doors. Every time I walked out of daycare with my arms full of keys, backpack, and Sherman I had a nice little daydream about the Honda Odyssey. But there is still the whole “minivan” stigma, and how we couldn’t really see ourselves in one, and Train didn’t think having two or three extra seats in the car just for when my parents came to visit was all that worth it.

So we had kind of decided on a Honda Pilot. We are obviously pleased with our current Honda and everybody knows they last forever. We do all of our service through our local Honda dealer who is just down the street, and the anal-retention in me likes having all of our records at one place. The Pilot has a third-row seat that could be kept in the fold-down position until needed (although with two car seats anchored in the second row, it would be next to impossible to actually sit in the third row, but hey…THE OPTION IS THERE).

We’ve kicked this into high gear recently because the Honda dealers around here have been doing promotion after promotion, and my bank at work has great auto loan rates. We’re in the position that what we make by selling the truck privately (probably Craigslist) can pay off the CR-V, so we can still have one car payment.

Train and I hate the whole car buying process. We are terrible negotiators and never stick to our “out the door” maximum that we agree on going in. We have purchased three cars together (new and used) and we still don’t feel like we’ve gotten the hang of this game.

My preference is to buy a new car because it’s easy. You have a warranty and you don’t have to worry about finding some guy’s fingernail clippings in the ashtray (Britt, looks to me like you need to re-tell that story). There are no variables about condition or mileage or Blue Book values. Sign the papers and you’re done, on the way home with the paper floormats in place and the new car smell. It’s fast, and time is something we have very little of lately.

Alas, we can’t afford a new Pilot and keep a similar car payment (obviously, since a Pilot is bigger than a CR-V). So we hit Craigslist to see what is out there and I was overwhelmed by all of the details. There’s this Pilot that’s newer, but has higher mileage, but a lower price. But then there’s this one, with less mileage and leather. Nothing is equal, there is no baseline. It’s exhausting.

So my second-favorite option is to buy a certified used car from the dealer where we bought the CR-V. They had quite a few 2005 Pilots and, oh darn, they are all EXL with leather interior and alloy wheels. Shoot.

We did the internet request-a-quote last night on 4 different 2005 Pilots, all with varying mileages and one with a Rear Entertainment System, which I had mixed feelings about. Of course the salesman looked up our records and got Train’s phone number and called us today on the way to our Mothers Day lunch from hell. I told him we could stop by this afternoon or maybe tomorrow. He told me he had just gotten 9 additional used Pilots in that were in the process of being certified.

After we got home from our disaster of a lunch-that-wasn’t-lunch-at-all, it was raining and I went up to the dealership to meet with the salesman. He had three PIlots with great low mileage, all the same color and trim level. I mentioned the truck and how we might want to trade it in (although really we want the cash, if we can save any hassle in this process we at least should check).

He takes the VIN for the truck and runs a report. I won’t even tell you what the trade in offer was because it was laughable as they always are, but come to find out there is an odometer discrepancy on the Carfax report. Some IDIOT at the Ford dealership here keyed in the wrong mileage on a routine service back in 2004, so when the truck was inspected in 2005 and the correct odometer reading was entered, it appeared to be lower than in 2004 which sends up a red flag. No dealership will accept a record like this as a trade-in, and any Craigslist buyer with half a brain would have questions about it. So we spent the evening digging through the glove box and our file cabinet looking for mileage verification. Luckily, Carfax wants a receipt from within 6 months prior to the error and within 6 months after, and we were able to find oil change/inspection receipts within that time frame. Hopefully it won’t take too long, but it’s still a pain in the ass we don’t need.

As far as the Pilot goes, the salesman told me his internet prices were the bottom line. I was so stunned by that bullshit I thanked him for his time and left, because…whatever. He obviously didn’t need my business enough to do anything but point to the sticker. Not to mention that we are repeat customers, and Train also brought his brother there to buy his first car. So we’re back to Craigslist, and the unending comparisons and hand wringing about which is the better deal, then chasing them all over northern Virginia.

 

crippled by the vein* May 10, 2008

Filed under: health, second pregnancy — Erika @ 5:46 pm
Tags: ,

I’ve mentioned a few times how so far my worst pregnancy symptom this go-round has been nosebleeds. While I’ve always had pretty severe nosebleeds that have gotten worse instead of better as I get older, they have been MUCH more frequent now due to the increase of blood flow and hormones in my body.

It was only recently that I realized there was possibly something surgical that could be done simply to help the inconvenience issue. I mentioned to Train that after this baby was born, I would go see a specialist about possibly getting something sutured or cauterized. Then we had a bit of an incident in the car between Kay’s wedding and reception involving using an extra sweatshirt to keep blood off my dress, and Train suggested I make an appointment sooner rather than later. I mentioned a few weeks ago that I had made an appointment with an otolaryngologist and I was super psyched about it.

I have never really researched much about nosebleeds, mostly because I was afraid of what I would find out. Honestly, in the back of my mind I figured there was something in my brain seeping blood. When my nose bleeds, it’s not just blood-tinged mucus or a little dab here on a tissue. I usually just have to hang my head over the sink while the blood pours out for a good fifteen minutes (usually I’m woken up by the scent and sense of blood in my sinus cavity) and then spend the next thirty minutes waiting for the blood to clot. I have to hold my head forward or the blood will go down my throat, so while my nose is bleeding I’m constantly spitting out blood too. (You’re welcome!)

My go-to prevention and cure for years has been Vaseline. Keeping my nose hydrated has been the only advice I’ve ever gotten about preventing nosebleeds, and Vaseline has done the trick. Then if I did get one, I would usually coat my nostrils in Vaseline as soon as the blood slowed. Once I finally did some Dr. Google research, I learned there was a rare form of pneumonia caused by the aspiration of petroleum jelly. Yikes. So I switched to Ayr saline gel, but the nosebleeds became more frequent. In the week before my doctor’s appointment, I had gone back to using Vaseline out of desperation, and saw some improvement.

When I made the appointment, I was ready to do whatever the doctor suggested. However, I had had a little lull in the nosebleeds so once I was actually sitting in the exam room, waiting for the doctor, surrounded by all kinds of tools and sprays that looked like they would be…uncomfortable…in my nostrils I started to chicken out.

I really liked the doctor that I saw. It was nice to give him the full gory details and walk through the causes and remedies that I have experienced. It was nice to not have this issue, which is a serious one for me because it’s a constant concern, be dismissed as a simple inconvenience like my OB did when I mentioned it.  The ENT was able to confirm visually that the cause is a lot of blood vessels in my nose that are also particularly close to the skin. In pregnancy you have a ton of extra blood flow which means the vessels are that much more sensitive to rupture.

I could have the blood vessels cauterized, which I was originally all gung-ho about. But the doctor and I agreed that unless it becomes totally unbearable, I should wait until after I have the baby because the problem will probably decrease significantly to a the level of pre-pregnancy (a few incidents per year). If not, I have some options. Cauterization is a “temporary” solution in that the body will attempt to re-grow the vessels within a month or so. They may re-form in a place that doesn’t cause me so much of a problem, but it’s not a long-term fix. There is a minor surgical solution that is used in extreme cases (which I am) so that would be nice, since I could be put under anesthesia for that!

The doctor and I agreed that the risk of lipoid pneumonia is so slight, and the benefit of using Vaseline so great, that I could and should continue using it as long as it works. He agreed that the saline gel was useless, so it wasn’t just me.

I’ve had a few more episodes since the appointment and while they’ve been severe, it’s helped to know that I’m not a complete freak and this doctor wasn’t totally horrified by my stories. I tried some of his suggestions but I have found my tried and true techniques to be more effective.

So I just wanted to give you an update to my saga. Right now I’m sticking with the status quo.

*I now get this song in my head every time I have a nosebleed.

 

surfacing April 16, 2008

Hello there! Oy, has my non-posting been hanging over my head. Busy, busy, blah blah blah. I just today caught up on most of your blogs, and also deleted some subscriptions on my Google Reader, so I am feeling much more capable.

My parents are visiting, and Sherman’s birthday party was this past weekend. It went well and the weather held out for the afternoon. Lauren has some great photos. I can’t decide which my favorite is.

I don’t even really want to talk about it, because living it is more than enough, but our house has been Tantrum City lately. I’m not sure if it’s gotten worse, or if Train and I were just used to it and now having the additional audience of my mom and dad has brought it back into glaring focus. Sherman now hates, with the fires of a thousand hells, getting dressed. WTF? It takes two of us to get him dressed (even to go “outside” like he wants). Lately he doesn’t want to get out of the bathtub. I try to give him plenty of warning…draining the tub (which has the potential to send him spiraling off into Freak Out Land), putting away toys, telling him “I’m going to put away the laundry and when I get back we’re going to get dressed.” Sometimes he gets out willingly but still has a shit fit putting on pajamas. The other night I got him in his fleece sleeper, just to have him ask to take it off half an hour later and run around naked with no diaper. ??? Then there are just the random fits that have no explanation. “Do you want the light on?” “NO NO NO NO NO!” “Do you want the light off?” “NO NO NO NO NO!”

I’m guessing this is the “Terrible Twos”, and like I said, I feel like Train and I had gotten used to it (we take a mostly wait-it-out-slash-ignore-it approach) but it is still…draining. It’s hard to watch your son scream and cry and have no clue what his problem is.

It’s got me thinking more about how in the hell a toddler and a newborn can co-exist in the same house. Surely these fits are going to wake up the baby. And surely the middle-of-the-night crying is going to wake Sherman. I don’t get it. I’m trying not to think about it too much. That worked well for me with my first pregnancy.

Otherwise, Sherman had a great 24-month checkup on Friday, with no shots (just a finger stick), and the doctor even told us we didn’t have to worry about his habit of banging his head on the floor when he’s mad. Just frustration from not being able to communicate. I’ve actually noticed a huge increase in his speech. Sherman is really trying hard to imitate and repeat after us. It’s so exciting!! I always notice a big jump when my parents visit, but that may because I’m around him more during their visits because I take time off work.

In other news, my nosebleeds have gotten worse, and I’m going to see an Ear/Nose/Throat specialist next week. I’m actually very, very excited. I had told Train that as soon as this baby was born, I was going to go get checked out and see if anything could be done (perhaps the blood vessels in my nose could be cauterized, if that was the source). But after a sudden, gushing, messy episode in the car between Kay’s wedding and reception, he encouraged me to make an appointment now. Turns out, according to my OB, most of what the ENT might do to help me will be safe during pregnancy. We’ll see. Hopefully it’s nothing serious, and I can get some real relief.

 

let’s hear it for my baby March 13, 2008

Filed under: second pregnancy — Erika @ 5:58 am
Tags: , ,

I wanted to post last night but our internet was out. So I was also unable to upload any ultrasound pictures (I will add those to this post later tonight…hopefully). But…

we’re having a boy! YAYAYAYAY!

Now WTF are we going to name him?


arm wrestler


face


feet (ankles crossed)


hand


it’s a boy!

 

on size of family March 7, 2008

Filed under: is it just me?, second pregnancy — Erika @ 2:28 pm
Tags: , ,

I may be beating a dead horse here…but will someone please tell me why there is this assumption that having or being an only child is the worst thing that could EVER happen to a child in the HISTORY of the world?

Because if you listen to a lot of the comments I’ve gotten recently as news of our little addition to the family has spread, all of you that are second- and third-born can assume that the sole reason you were brought into this world is to be a distraction for your bored, lonely, nuisance older sibling. Sorry to be the one to break it to you.

Apparently there has never been a mother who lamented the end of her first-born’s days of sole attention.

Apparently there has never been a mother who worried so much about her heart’s ability to contain love for yet another wonderful offspring that she delayed the decision on whether to get pregnant again.

JUST BRING ON THE BROOD SO I DON’T HAVE TO ENTERTAIN THIS KID BY MYSELF ANYMORE.

It drives me nuts that these women with 2, 3, 4 children have forgotten the days when their first born was their only child. I find it very hard to believe that most mothers of young children are simply biding their time and tolerating their single child until they are able to have another baby. Do you get what I’m saying? This is asinine.

I know it’s useless to be frustrated by these things, but why is the assumption that the reason we are having another baby is to “give Sherman a little brother or sister”? No. What we’re doing is adding another person to our family. We are thrilled and excited and nervous. We can’t wait to see how he/she is the same and different from his/her magnificent older brother. To be frank, I find it offensive that the only thing this child is considered to be is a playmate for Sherman.

Many people are now asking if we only plan to have two children. I give them an unequivocal YES, and if I’m feeling playful I might throw in that I wasn’t even sure I wanted a second, so there is certainly no consideration of a third. More often that not, the response I get to that was “OH! You don’t want Sherman to be an only child!”

Well, what if I did? I mean, I was an only child and I’m certainly not SCARRED. I never wished for siblings and never wanted to share my clothes, toys, or house with a brother or sister. I had plenty of friends to keep me occupied and enjoyed spending time with my parents. It’s especially nice now that it doesn’t take an act of God to get my entire nuclear family together, and I am beyond blessed that in their retirement, I don’t have to share my parents with any siblings or nieces or nephews. I think I would lose my mind being so far from my family (i.e. my parents) if I wasn’t able to look forward to their long visits.

The fact is that no one knows what it’s like on the “other side”. You either had siblings or you didn’t. Even if you have step-siblings you may consider yourself an only child because they didn’t live with you. You either had to share your parents’ attention with another child or you didn’t. When all of your kids are grown, you hope you will look back and say, “That was fun. I wouldn’t have had it any other way.” But you couldn’t have had it any other way. Because if you had, you still would say, “That was fun. I wouldn’t have had it any other way.”

I see the value in brother/sister relationships firsthand in my husband’s bonds with brother and two sisters. I can appreciate, if not always understand, that those relationships are as important to him as the ones with his parents, because they were the bonds that shaped his childhood. But that doesn’t discount the bond I have with my own parents by comparison, just as my relationship with my parents isn’t more important or more sacred than his simply because I didn’t have to share my parents. It’s just different.

I imagine a childhood like Train’s (in a large family) to be full of mischief and chaos, where at the end of the day the family all sits down at the table together. I imagine shared jokes and long games of make-believe and one sibling shoving the other off the porch and older sisters dressing their younger brothers up as Raggedy Ann and everyone sitting together in church while their mother sang in the choir.

But when I think about my own childhood, I think of carefully arranging the pepperonis on a frozen pizza with my father while Mom was at night school getting her bachelors’ degree. Of turning off the TV on Friday nights so the three of us could play Trouble. Of Mom and I propping our pillows against the picture windows in the back of the house so we could spend an icy, electricity-less afternoon reading in the weak daylight. Of jumping on the trampoline in the backyard for hours, singing to Paula Abdul’s “Spellbound” on my tape player.

I think they both sound wonderful, because we were happy, healthy, and loved.

When we talked about having a second baby, part of me wanted to stop with Sherman just to prove a point: that you don’t have to have a sibling to be well-adjusted or compassionate. You don’t have to have more than one child to have a full life. When you take into account the amount of work it takes between the two of us to keep our household running financially and logistically, even Train (formerly Mr. “I-want-my-own-basketball-team’s-worth”) was open to the possibility of Sherman being an only child.

When it came down to it, our main hesitation was that we were/are unsure how we would/will pay for daycare for a second child. And we decided that if that was our only reason not to have another baby, it was a terrible reason (in our situation). That in 5 years, if we could look back and say the only reason we didn’t have a second child was because it would have put a financial strain on us, that we would have serious regrets. The only way Sherman factored into the decision is because we didn’t want him to be too much older than his sibling, not that we wanted to have a permanent playdate for his entertainment.

I hope this diatribe made some sort of sense. There are stereotypes and unsolicited comments all throughout society that we are guilty of perpetuating, and this is, by all comparison, a benign one. But it gets under my skin EVERY SINGLE TIME. How can you sit there and say to me, “The way I lived my life and raised my family was right. You’re doing it differently, and it’s wrong.” By whose definition? At what consequence?